We are all Monsters
by Acia Granger
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Ayato is so angry? Why he acts so cruel? And what his true intentions are regarding Touka and Anteiku? A story on how Ayato joined Aogiri and his experiences between his fathers death and the arrival of Eyepatch. Hope you enjoy!:D
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! First off I have to apologise for not updating anything in… a VERY long time…:/ But I have the valid excuse of school, exams and writers block. But it's summer now so I might have a bit of time to write some stuffs! Secondly I have to apologise to any frequent readers of my other stories for not updating them and starting a new story… I know… I'm a terrible person… XP**

 **Anyways! I've been watching a lot of anime this past year and I've been dying to write some anime fanfic so I decided to write a bit about Ayato's (From Tokyo Ghoul) back story as you never really know what happens to him… and he's also a mega interesting character. I know some of this stuff may not be anime or manga accurate as I'm changing a lot up so soz if you end up shouting at the screen going 'that wasn't what happened';) This story starts after Ayato and Touka's parents were killed and they went to live in Antique.**

 **Anyways here's the first chapter- I hope you enjoy!:)**

Chapter 1- Broken Promises

I lay still.

Staring with tired eyes at the cracks on the ceiling. Right now, the scratches that would usually resemble a cute rabbit looked more like a demon, the horns stretching long and sharp. Like a Kagune; like a monster.

I slowly closed my eyes: Trying to place myself in a world of darkness. It was quiet. Almost, almost silent. But even I couldn't block them out. The muffled voices of stressed adults in the other room, trying to keep quiet and calm but failing miserably as their panic rose.

I scowled, opening my eyes once more. Adults were such pathetic creatures. All they did was make mistakes, they never learned, thinking they were wise and knew everything.

A moment passed.

I felt a soft presence outside the room and a second later the door squeaked hesitantly open and gentle footsteps padded across the room. I turned to face the wall.

"Ayts?" I heard my sister ask.

"Leave me alone."

She sat on the edge of the bed, the wooden planks creaking uncomfortably in the quiet. "How're you feeling?"

"Fine, it's not me that's dead is it?" I shot back.

"Ayato, calm down."

"Why should I do what you say? You're not Mum."

"I know, but mummy and daddy…"

"Told you to keep me safe and teach me new things I know."

We were silent for a few minutes and the voices from the other room raised another notch.

"What are they talking about?" I asked roughly, my curiosity unwillingly getting the better of me.

"About what we should do now," Touka replied softly. "They're thinking about moving us all but the Doves haven't found this place yet- some think it's safest just to stay put."

"Well it clearly isn't safe, the Doves still managed to pick a load of us off didn't they?" My voice cracked.

"I know, but right now we're safest here." A fiery anger rose in my chest, how could she stay so calm? So nonchalant!? She was the one going to school, getting involved with the humans and putting us all in danger in the first place! Didn't she know it was those who hid in the wide open that ended up getting themselves killed? Didn't realise that was how dad died? That stupid, weak, feeble, _pathetic_ excuse for a dad… Dragging us to the library everyday- trying to teach us how the humans worked instead of how to fight and protect ourselves. Pathetic and afraid.

I huffed, "Yea right, you keep believing that Touka."

"Don't talk to me like that Ayato, I'm doing what's best for the both of us." Her voice turned sharp, but it still shook in slight fear- _pathetic_.

I turned on her furiously, "It's your fault that we're here in the first place! Don't try to defend yourself! I never wanted to come here! This is all _your_ fault!"

Tears welled up in her eyes, "I was trying to keep you safe!" She stood up, her emotions splattered in plain view on her face, she was vulnerable- out in the open, _weak_. "When mum and dad died I was there for _you_ , I looked after _you_ , and I took _you_ somewhere I thought would be safest! If it wasn't for me you'd be lying out there on the streets either dead or starving!"

"No! If it wasn't for you I'd be out there in a strong group, fighting, becoming stronger! Strong enough to protect myself without your help! But no instead you took me to a weak little hide out thinking that no one would die here! Well guess what?! People are dying here! And you know why?! Because they're weak and vulnerable here! Because they're trying to act like humans when they're not! They're lying to themselves and don't you dare try to deny it." My voice turned vicious and I bared my teeth angrily.

"Ayato!" She exclaimed.

"No! They're weak and feeble and can't fight or defend themselves! We're ghouls Touka! Wake up!" I snapped my fingers together, "We're animals not humans! We were born to hunt! Not pick up dead suicidal humans off the streets! Not try to act like the humans by going to school and getting jobs and pretending to eat their food- we weren't meant for that! Can't you see it Touka, these people are afraid, they're hiding in the wide open and they're going to get themselves killed!" Tears stung in the back of my eyes and my voice cracked but I pushed away the emotion- burying it under layers upon layers of anger. "They're pathetic! Just like dad was, and look where that got him! Dead. Murdered- splat! Bye, bye dad! That's what you're turning me into! And I won't let you! I won't let you make me weak! I won't let you turn me into a… a…a GOD DAMNED HUMAN!"

I gasped for breath. My chest heaving. Touka looked at me, her eyes wide and shocked, pain lashing out like fire in her irises.

The adults in the other room had gone silent.

Touka swallowed. "I-if you don't want…."

"Oh save your stuttering! I'm sick of you! You're just afraid! You're pathetic! And I'm ashamed to be related to you!" I spat the words out, not even thinking about what they meant. I just needed to get out. I needed to survive. I needed to be strong. I needed to run.

"Take that back!" Touka shouted.

I jerked, startled at the sound that had come out her little personality.

"Take it back Ayato!" She glared at me. But the anger was consuming me too fast. She couldn't tell me what to do.

"No!" I started defiantly at her. "I'm done with doing what you want me to do. I'm done following your weak instructions." Her fists were clenched so hard together they were white. "I'm leaving. Goodbye _sister_."

I pushed of violently from the bed and shoved past her, running to the door. I fell into the corridor and ran past the shocked faces of Antique's members. Everything moved past in a blur. I reached the door only to find it blocked by the old manager: The Owl.

"I'm sorry you feel that way about us Ayato. I can assure you those things you just said are not our intentions- we will gladly fight to protect our own. We can teach you to be strong here too- so stay, for your sister's sake as well as your own, hear us out and-"

"Oh get out of my way stupid old git!" I yelled barging past him and throwing myself into the cold icy street. The door of Antique slammed shut behind me. Snow swirled round me in spirals. I picked myself up and ran, my heart pounded hard against my chest, blood thundered through my ears. I didn't think. I just kept running. Faster, harder: My feet slapping on the icy concrete.

Suddenly, my Kagune exploded from my back and I leaped onto the roof, jumping from building to building, the snow blurring in the edges of my vision, turning my world into one long white tunnel.

I cried out as my foot caught on a loose shaft of concrete and I tumbled through the air. Wrapping myself in my Kagune like a cocoon I spun through the falling snow and shot straight into the sewage tunnels.

I hit the concrete with a deafening crack and winced as my arm crumpled from under me. I unlocked my Kagune from round me and sucked it away. The horrific stench of waste filled my nostrils, burning down my throat. I coughed and backed against the slimy walls.

I looked down at my arm- it was bent at a wrong angle and was flaring angrily. I cupped it in my other arm and leaned against the stone cold tunnel.

The reality hit me like a punch in the chest. What did I just do? What have I done? I thought back to Touka's horrified, hurt face and felt my heart contract in my chest. A sob rose up in my throat and I chocked it back down. I had to stay strong. I had to-

But the tears over-flowed and I gave in to my misery and collapsed onto the damp sticky ground. I'd acted selfishly. I'd lost my parents and I'd been accepted into another family, into a warm world, and I'd thrown their kindness back in their faces… I'd lost the only family I had left. I'd lost Touka… and for once it wasn't a Doves fault…. It wasn't another ghouls fault.

It was mine.

I squeezed my eyes tight shut, confusion drowning my head in chaos, sharp pain shooting through my arm.

But no… no it wasn't my fault… not really…none of this would ever have happened if dad hadn't been so weak as to let us live hidden in a human society. None of this would have happened if dad hadn't gotten himself killed because he was too weak to fight the Doves head on. We'd never have been found out had it not been for the stupid rotten human neighbour we'd gone to for help when dad had… abandoned us. Antique were the same- trying to hide among humans, pathetic, worthless creatures…But no- I was done hiding. I was done being weak. I was done following orders. I was a ghoul. And ghouls were stronger. Ghouls were predators.

Ghouls were monsters.

And I was one of them.

 **Hope you enjoyed! I'm always welcome to constructive criticism or new ideas so if you've got any send me a review or a pm!:)**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **Acia xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I've re-uploaded this chapter as I changed a couple of things so… hope you enjoy!X)**

Chapter 2- Monsters

4 months later

I breathed in deeply. And the sweet smell of blood filled my nostrils. I shivered; it made me nostalgic, it made me feel crazed. Well… I guess that's what overeating does to you.

A petrified scream struck my ears from down below.

My prey had arrived.

I jumped down of the roof. The rain hit the old warehouse windows like bullets. I landed like a cat on all fours in the shabby alley. My left foot hitting a puddle with a splatter that sounded all too familiar.

"Please! Please let me go! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Shut up bitch!" A middle aged, average sized man stood before a young teenage girl. She could only have been eighteen at the oldest. Young- terrified- weak. Pathetic.

The man held a hammer in one hand and gripped the girl tight in his clutches with the other. His eyes were wild and just as scared. His hands were shaking. Her whole body trembled.

They were as pathetic as each other.

There was only one difference.

One was innocent.

One was not.

"Hey you," I called out quietly. The man's eyes widened with shock and he whipped round.

"Huh!?" The man threw the girl on the ground and then burst out in uproarious laughter when he realised I wasn't a 'threat' to him. I smiled- they all did this- just wait- let them see what lies beyond childhood's face of innocence. "Huh? You wanna die too kid? Pah! You made a mistake coming here and trying to be the saviour! How old are you? Six?"

"Nine," I replied. _Almost ten._ The cliché sentence died at my lips, I wasn't going to smother the guy in joy with my childish mannerisms. I was stronger than that. Smarter than that.

"PAHHAHA! I can easily overpower a kid; no one will even know you were here!" He tipped his head back and clutched at his side. His hair was wild and his feet held an unbalanced lopsided stance: One that could easily be overpowered with a gentle push: Weak.

"Well, my parents are just around the corner but-" I started, staring at him mockingly.

A flash of fear crossed the man's face. Then he looked at me and grinned, "You can't scare me like that kid. They would be calling for you, I would have heard them. And even if not- they'll never find this old alley, they'd never even think to look down it…" He tipped his head back once again, twirling the hammer in his quivering hands, and giggling like a child.

"Tsch," I clenched my teeth.

The girl suddenly got up and sprinted past the man, seizing his distraction as a chance to escape, her brown hair was plastered to her face, and she was barely clothed.

"Oy! Come back here ya bitch!"

She flew past me in a blur, I let her go. I wasn't interested in the weak and innocent. As the man went to follow I cut him off.

He looked down at me, "Who do you think you are?" He spat in my face.

I growled low in my throat, and wiped the spit off my face with my sleeve. "Her saviour? Was that what you called it earlier? Yeah- I think I like that. I'm her saviour, nice to meet you. What's your name?"

He screeched in anger and the hammer came down fast. I twisted my wrist and stopped his hands one handed. His eyes widened in surprise, "How…?"

"Welcome to the ghoul life, kid." My lips twisted up in a smile and I went for his throat.

Xxxxxxxxx

It was about an hour later when they came.

The rain had stopped and the sun filtered faintly through the brick wall that was the clouds.

I was in the same spot, my meal was finished, and a single flower laid on all that was left of him.

My heart ached ever so slightly, I wonder what Touka would be doing now… probs studying- trying to act human as usual. Stupid bitc-… stupid idiot.

I sighed, looking down at the corpse remains; clothes wafting gently in the breeze. Did he have a wife? Kids? Did they hate him? Love him? Did they know? How many murders had he committed? How many rapes? Had he been to prison? Had he been abandoned? And turned to crime in despair? Was he just a mad old git?

I huffed and turned away from him. There was no point in thinking these questions after every murder I committed. I blinked, the word murder sounding foul in my head. I stood up to go and glanced at the end of the alley.

I did a double take then.

Three humans stood at the end of the alley. No… I sniffed the air… three _ghouls_ stood at the end of the alley. In _my_ hunting ground. In _my_ path.

How dare they.

I straightened myself up, "Who are you?" I demanded. "What are you doing in _my_ hunti- I mean here?" I cursed myself for changing the sway of my sentence last moment, what was I thinking? I couldn't possibly be intimidated by them could I? Afraid? Me? Impossible.

"I'm Eto," A silky voice said with a giggle. The woman stepped forward and I couldn't help but stare in awe. Her body was covered from head to toe in bandages, leaving only holes for her red eyes, that shone in the faint light, to see through. A pink bedraggled dress hung off her shoulders and the same material made up a sort of head scarf. She held out her hand, "Nice to meet you."

I hesitantly took it, "What are you doing here?" I said, pulling my hand away from hers as quickly as I could.

"We've been watching you for a while; your talents sure are inspiring." Eto said with a tinkling laugh.

"Talents?" I frowned. "But-"

"She means your strong," A tall, white haired man stepped forward, wearing a crisp white suit and black work shoes.

"I see… And who are you?" I requested, smirking lightly, fretfully trying to put on a brave face. It didn't take a genius to figure out that these guys were strong, very strong.

"Tatara," He replied, "And this is Noro."

The last figure stepped forwards, he wore a long red cloak, his thin black hair was tied up in a high and long ponytail that swished back and forth as he moved. He wore a white mask, with a grinning, showing all white teeth, smile painted on it. He was scary. But no way in hell was I gonna show it.

"So, what do you want? And you better be quick- I got jobs to do."

Eto giggled again, "Killing another criminal for example? But you just killed one. You can't surely be hungry already. My, my- children have such an appetite these days."

"I'm not hungry!" I protested.

"Then you clearly have nothing to do," Tatara replied without missing a beat.

"I do!" I yelled.

"Like?"

"Leave me alone!" I shouted and turned to go. I couldn't be bothered with those freaks. And I got the feeling that they knew more about me than I wanted.

"Not so fast kid," I gasped as Tatara pulled on my shirt, yanking me into him and locking me in a vice like grip.

I struggled, suddenly terrified. "Let me go!"

Eto smiled, "Well you sure are a feisty one."

"Shut up!" I shouted, trying to kick her with my feet, instantly she twisted her hand up and blocked my kick, gripping onto my ankle.

Her eyes made contact with mine, I gasped. They were unafraid, unfased, so level, so… so overwhelming. It was then I realised that, while one burned scarlet, the other was a bright emerald.

Then I heard a loud sickening crack.

I cried out in pain as Eto twisted my ankle upward, immediately snapping the bone in two.

I ground my teeth together, quivering with rage, pain and fear.

"Now Ayato, I want you to listen to me very carefully."

"Bitch!" I yelled struggling.

She placed her hand on my other ankle and I froze.

"Listen like a good boy or I snap the other one." She sang, mocking me. I was furious.

Yet I felt like whimpering, I felt like crying. I wanted Touka. I wanted to be protected.

But no, I wasn't like that. I wasn't weak. I wasn't pathetic. I was strong. I was unafraid. I was a monster. And I was gonna show it.

"Tsch, have it your way." I growled.

Eto smiled.

"I'm the leader of a group of ghouls. We call ourselves Aogiri. Named after one of my closest friends, he was killed by Doves while trying to save some captured ghouls." Her eyes suddenly flashed boiling crimson with anger, "I'll never forgive them, and I'll never forget." She looked at me, "I hear you've had your own experiences with Doves in the past dear Ayato."

"Like I'd tell you," I spat, "And don't call me that, you shouldn't even know my name."

"Oh but I do… you've become very famous Ayato. A killer ghoul of only nine years old. Strong as hell- I'd dread to think what you'll be like in ten years. Stronger than the strongest I'd imagine."

"Of course," I replied, trying to ignore the throbbing in my broken foot.

"But you've nowhere to go have you? You left your little sanctuary, left your sister. I wonder why."

"She was weak and pathetic! She was trying to live like a human! It was disgusting… so I left." Why was I telling her this? And how did she know that? Who really _were_ these people?

"Of course," Eto leaned down and stroked my cheek. My eyes widened at the motherly gesture. Mummy used to stroke my cheek too. "I would have left too."

I nodded, biting my lip hard not to cry. I'd shed enough tears over my good for nothing family, I was sick of it already.

"Do you want to become stronger Ayato?" Eto asked me.

I nodded as she voiced the thoughts that had been running through my head for the past two years… since daddy was…

"Then join us. We can make you stronger, you can battle the doves with us, gain experience, and we'll teach you how to live like a real ghoul Ayato- a real monster."

Touka's cheerful face flashed in front of me. My father's warm smile filled my heart. My mother's soft hands as she stroked my cheek when I struggled to get to sleep.

"Join Aogiri Ayato, live like a king. The strongest of the strongest."

 _The strongest of the strongest._ If I was stronger than the strongest I could protect everyone I wanted to protect. I would be unstoppable. I wouldn't have to live in fear or the Doves.

"Join us Ayato, join our cause."

I wouldn't have to pretend I was a human with these people. I would be free. Free to embrace the monster I was.

"Join us."

Ghouls were monsters.

And I was one of them.

"Hai."

 **Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Although I'm not really sure where I'm going with this story… I'm just kind of writing as it comes to me lol;) Anyways thanks for reading! Don't forget to leave a review, constructive criticism is always helpful and welcomed!**

 **Love ya guys!**

 **Acia xxx**

 **Ps. Hai means 'yes' in Japanese… I think. Sorry if that's wrong and I offended any Japanese people out there!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I've got a longer chapter for you guys today, but I probs won't get much uploaded after the next few weeks as I have my GCSE exams coming up this year- eeek!;)**

 **Just a note- I decided to change Ayato's age to nine as I figured what I have planned for him next is a little too 'above' his current age;) Also I am aware Ayato was older when he was recruited by Tatara but fanfics all about switching up the actual story right?;) I also decided to change Ayato's age because when I write him he sounds like a teenager- I can't seem to kiddyfy him;') I've also made up a character of my own to befriend Ayato in Aogiri to make things a little more interesting**

 **Anyways hope you enjoy the chapter!XD**

Chapter 3- A Place to Call Home

It was quiet in the warehouse that Eto had called home.

And wet. Very.

Four months ago I would have been repulsed by the rats that scurried across the ground, squeaking in fear and dashing for cover in little holes in the walls. But by now I had gotten used to the sleepless nights in sewage tunnels, the freezing nights snuggled with rotting blankets down dark alleys- only the bins to shield me from the vicious winds on stormy days.

The walls in the 'home' themselves were the picture of a horror movie. A dry crimson substance splattered across its surface every few feet. And oil dripped from the ceiling.

I grimaced.

"It used to be an old fishing place," Tatara explained in monotone, following my eyesight lazily up to the oily ceiling.

"I see," I answered quietly, slightly intimidated by his emotionless features and attitude. And the pure strength that radiated from every bone in his body.

Tatara stopped short suddenly and I almost bumped into him, lost in my thoughts. I wrung my hands together. He turned and opened a door, "Wait in here for me."

"Yes… sir," I answered hesitantly. I stepped into the room and the door closed behind me. I heard the lock click and my eyes widened. They'd locked me in! I turned and placed my hand on the door, I rattled it but it didn't give. Panic rose from my stomach, boiling through my throat. They'd tricked me! They'd never wanted to recruit me. I was going to die. They were going to kill me! The thoughts flooded through my head, blood rushing in my ears. "Hey!" I cried out hoarsely. "Let m-"

"Duuuuude chillax!" I stopped mid word and froze. I slowly turned and looked around the room. An average sized, grey sofa was sat, oddly placed in the middle of a large room. There was a small, half open window, smothered in grime, at the opposite end and a small wooden cabinet to the right. Apart from that the walls were bland and bare, including the concrete floor. Two scruffy looking blankets were strewn half over the sofa and half over the floor.

My eyes lifted to the small figure which was plonked on the sofa, half a blanket haphazardly wrapped around his torso. His eyes were a cold, icy blue and his blond hair fell in waves across his face. But he was young, very young.

"Hi," He grinned, showing all his white teeth and a gap at the front where his baby tooth had fallen. "I'm Yukine. Who're you?"

I took a step backwards, almost hitting the wall, slightly taken aback by his upfront, casual manner.

"A-Ayato."

"Ahhh! I remember Tatty talking 'bout you. Apparently you've been causing a load of trouble, killing a load of peeps and leaving only the clothes!" His mouth never once left that grinning position, it was kind of creepy.

"Well, it's wasteful to leave… anything behind," I retorted indignantly, "And I haven't actually killed that many."

"Whoa dude! I wasn't having as go at you, just telling you what I've heard 'bout you."

"Cool." I responded, holding my head high and walking further into the room," So, what is this place? And why the hell have they locked the door?"

"And old fishing warehouse, we… I mean Aogiri, are using this place as a base at the moment, well 'till the Doves find us out… then we'll find another old abandoned place to crash in." He winked. "And dude, chill about the locked door- they do that all the time- it's to protect us. If we want to leave, we can always fit through the window. After all, we kids are small." He leaned back against the sofa and yawned, he really wasn't fazed about being locked in at all.

"Okay," It was a reasonable explanation. A slight doubt nagged at the back of my head but I pushed it aside. I believed this kid. It made sense. "And what sort of stuff do Aogiri get up too?" I questioned again, hoping it would make me seem more confident than I actually was.

"Aogiri? Oh all sorts… we kill and fight the Doves, train to become stronger, try to find out how much information Aogiri knows, and stop them from getting more… do jail breaks- those are always fun!" His smile widened once more and he looked up at me, his cold eyes glistening with a slight menace, which seemed far too out of place for his young cheeky face.

I pondered this for a moment, Aogiri sounded like a good place to be. Perfect for what I wanted and needed, almost too perfect. If any of that was indeed true, I was aware that I shouldn't trust these ghouls at the drop of a hat. "And how old are you?"

"My, you sure ask a lot of questions Yatty."

"Yatty!?" I exclaimed.

"Yea- shortened your name a bit- you don't mind do you?"

"It sounds a bit dumb."

Yukine laughed. "I guess that's true."

"Anyway, you never answered my last question, how old are you?"

"Seven."

My jaw dropped, legitimately dropped. I stared at him gobsmacked for a moment. "Been with Aogiri three years now- great folks. My parents were murdered by Doves when I was only four. My mum shoved me in the washing machine to hide me- It was off- obviously," He added waving his hands in the air as if to try and calm me. "Aogiri came… just wandered in off a whim apparently and picked me up. I'm a strong fighter for my age and brainy too. Eto calls me her baby genius, even though she's still quite young…. Said if I ever tried to leave she'd tie me to her bed post." Yukine snorted. "Yeah right, no one's got rights to tie me down. I go wherever I want…" He stared dreamily at the oily ceiling.

"You're seven?"

"Yup!"

"That's practically a toddler!" I exclaimed, waving my arms around.

"Oy! I am NOT a toddler! I stopped being a toddler…err… one…two…four! Four years ago thank you very much. Anyways how old are you then?" He stared at me defiantly.

"Nine, almost ten." I held my head high.

"That's only a few months older than me!"

"Two _years_ isn't just a few months!"

"It is!"

"Is not!"

"Is."

"Not!"

"Iiiiissss!"

"Nooooot!"

The door clicked suddenly and swung open. I leaped back, dodging the door as is swung past where I had just been standing. Noro stood in the centre, twin axes dangling off his belt.

Yukine leaped up in excitement. His face glowed. "Noraiiiiiiii! You finished them!" He bounded of the sofa, struggling for a minute to untangle himself from the blankets, and rushed up past me to Noro. A slight smile twitched at my lips at the childish excitement plastered across his face.

Yukine held his hands out greedily and Noro placed the axes in his arms, the mask covering up any of his facial features. Yukine gasped admiringly.

"What are they for?" I asked Yukine, curiosity getting the better of me.

"Come look." He took my hand and dragged me to the sofa, where two smaller and plainer axes were revealed from under the blankets. I sat on the floor and crossed my legs as he plonked himself down next to me.

"My preferred weapon is the twin axe. I got these," He pointed to the smaller, plain axes, "When I turned five and have used them since, buuuuut now that I'm, older I get these!" He grinned and we both examined the beautiful twin axes Yukine had placed on the grubby floor. "Aren't they gorgeous!" He stared at them dreamily.

And they were indeed beautiful. The wooden handles had carved patterns and symbols, as did the edges of the axe. The blades themselves were sharpened and smooth and the metal shimmered in the faint light of the room.

Jealously gnawed at my stomach. I wanted axes like these. I wanted to fight with axes like these. Fight against the Doves. I wanted to help other ghouls. I wanted to be stronger… I wanted to… to be in Aogiri. I smiled, I _was_ in Aogiri. I _would_ be able to fight; soon, I would be free soon- just like Eto said. Free from fear. Stronger than the strongest. Excitement soared through my stomach, nervous butterflies danced around my chest. I grinned.

I glanced out the window, it was dark outside. Had time really passed that fast?

Yukine suddenly hurdled up and towards Noro. "Thank you Noraiiiiiiiiiii!" He crash dived into him and Noro picked him up obediently. Noro didn't turn to face Yukine or show any sign of affection, but he didn't push Yukine away and held on to him securely, like some weird father.

But his action showed his slight affection for Yukine. I smiled; I wanted to be a part of this too: A part of this movement against the humans. This _rebellion_ of sorts _._

Eto suddenly walked in and Noro placed Yukine gently on the ground. I shivered as a cool breeze brushed the room, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up on end. "Awwww! Does icle baby Yu need a huggle from daddy Noro!" She mocked.

"No! I don't!" Yukine responded sharply turning back to face me. I gave a nervous smile and he grinned in response.

Eto straightened herself up, flicking her scarf back and giving a small tinkling laugh. "Oh Yu I'm only teasing. You're getting as bad as Amalie these days." Her right eye burned scarlet in the faint moonlight that flittered through the baby window. The other eye sparkled a bright green, contrasting vastly against the blood red of the other.

Yu's eyes hardened abruptly and lost their sparkle. "I know ma'am." He replied icily. I shuddered as a tense atmosphere rapidly swept across the room.

"Well," She clapped her hands lightly together, but still the cold remained. "Yukine, do you _mind_ taking Ayato to the training room with yourself tomorrow morning?"

"Not at all."

Eto turned to leave, "Settle down quickly Ayato." She looked at me directly then, her eyes piercing into my own and I suddenly felt vulnerable- very. "You'll be useful." Her bandages shifted slightly, as though she was smiling underneath. I gulped.

She went, her light, almost silent, footsteps retreated down the hallway and the door closed eerily quiet behind her.

Noro followed obediently and the door clicked shut behind them.

"Well that was interesting," Yukine said, licking his lips mischievously.

"Do you not like Eto or something?" I asked, curiosity once more getting the better of me.

He shook his head vigorously, almost too vigorously, "of course not! She's just…. Quite strict… and a bit scary… and odd," He laughed nervously, "She doesn't really understand physical contact… nah that sounded wrong, heh…But anyway she took me in and she's looked after me- like one of her own- for three years. I really respect her, Noro's like her foster dad too and she's written her own book, isn't that cool? She's a great author in the human world! Plus she's the only… mother-like person I've ever known. I don't exactly remember my real parents," He looked at the ground and shuffled his feet nervously, "I occasionally get glimpses of a memory but… nothing…much…"

An awkward silence descended on the room.

I hated these.

The people in Anteiku used to be like this, they'd sit there… no one knowing what quite to do about a situation or a death- no one really knowing what to say. It pissed me off.

"So…" I started, "What did Eto mean by 'The Training Room?'"

"Oh that!" He jumped up and brightness came about his face again. "Come and sit down on the sofa and I'll explain everything! After all we look pretty idiotic just standing here like this." He laughed and I smiled, finally feeling comfortable in this foreign place.

We sat down and wrapped the blankets round us, once Yukine had closed the window claiming it would get colder later.

In the gloom we snuggled up and Yukine turned to me, it was then that we got the giggles.

I snorted, "You look like a ghost in this light." He opened his mouth to retort and I laughed again, "Now you look even _more_ like a ghost! You know, the pictures of them with their mouths all open in a wide O shape."

He sniggered, "You're one to talk. You look even worse and your dark hair makes you look like some monster, mutation of a ghost!"

"Oooo alliteration, get you!" I retorted giggling like the kid I was.

I saw Yukine frown in the darkness, "Alliteration? What's that?"

"It's when you use the same sounds twice or more in a sentence… I think, at least that's what I remember Touka saying…Don't you get like home-schooled or go to a school?" I asked him.

"Nope! Aogiri don't home school me and I'm too busy now with training and missions and everything to go to school. Besides I don't know if I'd be able to disguise my true identity at a public school."

I nod, "Yeah I get it."

"So what 'bout you, who's Touka?"

"I was home-schooled by my dad till he died, and then Anteiku home schooled me and my sister. Touka's my older sister, she's twelve."

"Whoa you have an older sister! That's cool dude! Is she real strong? Why hasn't she come with you to join Aogiri? Gods you're lucky! I don't have any siblings. It's just me!"

I turned away, a sudden sadness gnawing at my stomach, "Not really… She's very… _human_."

"What do you mean?"

"She wants to go to school and act human, she never hunts or kills- only picking off dead bodies from suicidal freaks off cliff sides and roads. She hates being a ghoul; she's weak, fragile, pathetic, stupid, idiotic…" The insults rolled off my tongue so easily. Guilt and regret spun in my head and I gasped.

"Ayato? You okay?"

I nod, "I'm fine… I just, don't want to talk about them."

"That's cool dude, I understand." Then he laughed. "Anyways I was gonna tell you about the training wasn't I?"

"Yup! Side-tracked much." I replied easily.

"Well… We move around so much, live in so many different places that I can't really remember where this old fishing house's training room is but we'll wander in the morning and it'll pop up eventually. But basically we just practice fighting and get stronger- hand to hand combat, knife throwing, arrow shooting, etc etc. The list goes on my friend!"

"Sounds cool," I said, excitement bubbling in my chest. This was my chance to get stronger!

"It's awesome! Oh and you'll probs get a mask fitted. I think Eto wants you out on the field asap!"

"Mask?" I frowned, faint memories of my father and the people of Anteiku coming into the building wearing masks of animal faces and other weird patterns and shapes.

"Yeah… so if you're fighting Doves they won't know who you are and then if you need to walk around the city for some reason or other and pretend to be human- they won't know you're _not_ human." Yukine grinned, "Sick right?"

I matched his grin, "Yea, it's sick."

We snuggled down once more and Yukine's breathing steadied beside me.

I stared up at the damp concrete ceiling and wrapped the blanket tight around me.

 _Stronger than the strongest._

Just you wait Eto, I'll surpass every one of you.

Just wait 'till tomorrow.

And then…

It's time to unleash the monster once more.

 **Oooo! I wonder who Amalie is…?;)**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm always open to constructive criticism so drop me a review down below!XD**

 **Love ya guys! Thanks for reading!**

 **Acia xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- Use your head

We walked down to the training room; Yukine had remembered where it was somewhat by magic in the middle of the night, in near silence.

"This better be fun!" Yu exclaimed excitedly.

"Are there many others there?" I asked Yu curiously.

"Nope, not today. We've got many little missions going on at the moment, I know of some teams who are handling a minor prison break and others who are disabling traps meant to capture ghouls, left by the doves of course." He explained matter of fact.

I nodded, "I'm sort of glad, I don't want to feel like the elephant in the room."

"Yea, that's what I felt like. But it's cool dude- you got me!" He flashed me a goofy smile and winked.

I laughed, "Yup!"

Yu pushed open a large wooden door as we reached the end of the dank corridor, and we entered.

It was almost silent apart from Noro who stood stringing bows in the corner. The room was practically empty, which took me slightly by surprise. When I'd thought of 'training room' I'd imagined layers upon layers and rows upon rows of weapons of all types in all shapes and sizes. In reality there were only a few.

But, I supposed, if Aogiri were constantly on the move and being tracked by Doves they wouldn't have all their ammunition in one room, instead each weapon was most likely attached to a ghoul.

Noro beckoned us over and Yu dashed ahead. I glanced up and saw a viewing landing above, Tatara and Eto sat on chairs on it, Eto was writing in something and Tatara's eyes pierced my core, evaluating me. I shuddered and went to join Yu, trying to ignore our spectators.

It was actually quite simple. Noro pointed to the archery stands and we both picked up a bow. Yu shot his first, it hit dead on the target. I gaped in awe and he grinned at me, "Beat that Ayts!"

I felt a pang of heart ache at the nickname; Touka used to call me that. I yanked it out of my head quick and fast, emotion would only make me hesitate, and hesitation would only equal weakness.

I picked up the bow and pulled back the string.

"You're doing it wrong!" Yu moaned from the side.

"What?" I asked.

He came up and pulled the string to my cheek. "Rest the end against your cheek, look down the arrow shaft and level it up just above your target. Then release."

I closed one eye and glared at the yellow circle. I raised my arrow just above where Yu's had landed and I let it fly. It shot through the air; I could almost hear it whistle with my heightened ghoul senses. It landed slightly to the right of the target, on the edge of the yellow, crossing into the red.

Yu grinned, "Whoa dude! That was close! It took me six months to get it even that close!"

"Yeah well, I am older than you." I pointed out, not liking to brag. "And you gave me advice." Yet pride still swelled up in my stomach. I could shoot- and I could nearly hit a target dead on already.

"Try hitting one a little further away."

We backed up and kept shooting for at least an hour solid. Yu hit every one dead on and though I sneaked into the blue once or twice, I didn't do badly for a first shoot. In fact, I did pretty well.

Yu giggled as we placed our bows down, "You never even missed the target board; that's awesome dude!"

I gave a goofy grin and we high fived. Happiness swelled in my stomach and an optimism I hadn't felt since my father's death tumbled into my head. I had a friend. I was going to get strong. I felt at home.

We turned to face Noro and he handed each of us a knife and pointed to the target board.

I gave a low whistle. "This looks hard."

Yu grinned, "You'll learn." He threw the knife and it hit dead on. I gulped and copied his stance.

Yu talked me through all the steps and I threw, the knife bounced off the white of the target. I laughed, "I think I'm more suited to archery."

A chair scraped up above and I turned to face Tatara and Eto above us. "Put more force into your throw," Tatara ordered, "Imagine piercing a Doves heart."

I shivered. "Yes Sir." I tuned to the board once more, aware of Yu watching me from the side-lines.

"Space out your legs more," He whispered. "Widen your stance for more stability."

My lips twitched up at his advice, and I complied before I threw. I glared at the target board, _Imagine piercing a Doves heart._ "This is for making my life a living hell," I whispered and, tensing my muscles, I threw hard. The knife spun through the air, hit the red, buried deep in the target.

I couldn't help but look up at Noro expectantly, but he'd already sat down and turned to talk to Eto. I licked my lips nervously and carried on practising.

After an hour or so Noro left us, we were drenched in sweat. The chairs on the viewing area had emptied long ago. "You wanna fight a bit of hand to hand combat?"

"Yea sure, I'm not too good though, all the fighting I've done so far has been self- taught." I said.

"Well, the first fighter there was must have self- taught himself, right?"

I nodded with a smile, "I guess that's true."

We moved into a clear space, where there were no weapons lying around on the floor, waiting to fallen on. "Weapons littering the floor are just accidents waiting to happen," Yu sang cheerfully.

We stopped a metre or so from one another. Yu raised his fists and I did the same, widening my stance for stability and locking my elbows in a defensive position. He lunged, very fast; I dodged and quickly grabbed his upper arm as it came out to hit me. I yanked it towards me but Yu was two fast, his leg came up and before I knew it his knee was in my stomach. I doubled over, coughing.

"You okay dude?" Yu said, taking a step back.

"Yea sure, I'm good." I responded, standing up. "Go again."

"Finally! Someone who has as much energy as me," Yu said exasperatedly.

We carried on until our clothes literally dripped with sweat and our bones ached all over. We'd spent half the time laughing and goofing around. But with every practice fight I felt my senses sharpening, my vision catching movements, like Yu's knee coming up, that I would have never noticed before. I was getting stronger. Slowly, but surely.

"You look completely knackered!" Yu commented.

"I bet I could still beat you in a race though," I quipped.

"Huuuh!? You wanna try and catch me?"

"I'm a winged ghoul- they're always faster!"

"Ha! I can beat a winged ghoul any day!" Yu grinned and took off, fast.

I laughed aloud and took after him, once I got into a steady rhythm I felt myself gain on him with every step. We shot around the room, bouncing off walls. "The best way to beat a winged ghoul," Yu shouted, "Is to let all their strength sap and then strike!"

I laughed, "My strength will never snap- so good luck with that Yu!"

I grasped, thirty odd seconds later, his shirt and we tumbled to the ground, both giggling like little girls. "Gods you're fast!" Yu said happily.

"Yea, but not fast enough! Someday I'll be faster than any other ghoul in the world!" I waved my arms around as if to demonstrate.

Yu laughed.

Suddenly the door slammed shut and we both whipped our heads around, smiles vanishing like the wind had blown them off. Tatara stood, Eto at his side, in front of the big door.

"Come over here Ayato," He said his expression once again emotionless, he moved to the centre of the room.

I nodded once and went across to him, biting my lip hard and trying to act cool. I stopped, facing him a metre's length away. I looked up, he was so tall. I gulped and squeezed my hands into fists. Yu had gone quiet. Oh Gods, I thought, this can't be good.

"Hit me."

"Sorry," I responded in a blink.

"I want you to try and hit me," His voice was dead serious and a low undertone told me he wasn't a very patient ghoul.

I nodded again and, taking a deep breath, raised my fists and widened my stance. My mouth had gone dry and the sweat from earlier had cooled all over my body, making me shiver.

I lunged, going for a swift uppercut in his chin. If I could reach that he'd loose his balance and I could quickly counter attack with a hard blow.

But that didn't work.

Before I could even blink, he'd grasped both my wrists, his leg wrapped round my right leg, sweeping me off the ground. I hit the floor, back first, with a deafening crack. I coughed and made a split second evaluation.

I couldn't roll out, his legs had caged me in, and I couldn't use force to break free of his grip.

Instead I kicked up with my right leg, kneeing him straight in his weak spot. He didn't flinch, or slacken his hands. He was like a rock. Unfazed. Unmoving. Unyielding.

I was trapped.

I breathed deeply and tried to swing myself forward, but his grip on my wrists were too strong.

"You're weak," Tatara commented.

 _No, no I'm not. I'm strong. Honest I'll show you. I'll beat you!_

The words tumbled through my head and I stopped struggling.

"You're a ghoul, if I was a Dove I'd have caught you by now, caged you, and possibly even killed you."

"Doves aren't this strong!" I gasped.

"You should assume that every Dove is as strong as the strongest ghoul, or you'll be a sitting duck."

His eyes were black pits as they stared down at me, scrutinizing me.

Suddenly his elbow swung out of nowhere, pounding into my shoulder and easily popping it out of its socket with a rebounding crack. I choked on air at the sudden pain that rocketed through my body.

"Don't just lie there Ayato, think of a way out. There's _always_ a way out. Look for your enemy's weakness."

"You have no weakness," I spat, grinding my teeth against the pain.

His knee came down this time, pummelling my ribs repeatedly. It was agony. Pain split through every core of my body.

"Doves do. All Doves have one weakness from us. Use your brain."

I squeezed my eyes shut tight- what the hell was he on about?

It was then that I heard Eto's tinkling laugh from the side-lines, "I guess he's not as strong as we thought he was."

Anger and frustration ripped through me. What did they expect me to do? I was a child!

A sudden wave of silence descended on my head then. Those were the same words that Touka used to utter as she comforted me. _"Let the adults sort it out, we're just children Ayato, we don't have to be strong."_

A blinding fury hit me then, the pain only magnifying my resentment for that phrase, _we're just children, we don't have to be strong._

No, those were the thoughts of cowards. Strength didn't come from time, from mere _age_ , it came from effort. I was not a coward. I was not weak. I would have no weakness. I would become invincible. Even as a child.

Look for your enemy's weakness. I opened my eyes, trying fretfully to imagine Tatara as a dove. _All_ _Doves have one weakness from us._ What did I have that a Dove didn't? What made us different?

It hit me then, flooding though my head. An excitement ripped through me, masking the intense pain and my Kagune shot from my back: My wings glimmering a sapphire and violet, a crimson and indigo, a whole range of colours.

I pushed it into the ground and shot up. The force of my wings pushed Tatara back, if only slightly, His grasp loosened for a split second on my wrists and I twisted them, barely hearing them crack and break.

I yanked my broken wrists back.

I kicked my legs up, connecting with his chin.

A sharp snap whistled through my ears.

In a split second I careered backwards out of harms way.

I flung my Kagune forward, displaying full control over it, and dark coloured, glistening spikes shot from my back. The dank light in the room reflected off the shards of colour, the room lit up, iridescent and glistening.

Tatara dodged them all easily and put his hands up. I sucked my kagune away, gulping and shivering, pain lashed out all over me yet I felt strangely satisfied. I'd broken free. Maybe in a real fight I'd have died, but still- in the end I had broken free.

Eto clapped from the side-lines, "Good work Ayato, although in a real fight you'd be dead," She looked at the ground and muttered to herself, "Splat, dang, gone. Puff- dead."

Tatara merely nodded at me, "I'll let you know if we ever need you, for now train and get stronger with Yukine."

"Yes sir."

They left and I turned to Yu.

"That looked paaainffuuul."

"Ugh," Was all I could reply as I flopped to the floor, exhaustion and gravity dragging me down.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

We sat on the sofa, it had taken a while for me and Yu to pop my shoulder back and set my ribs so they didn't heal in the wrong place, but by now my healing abilities had kicked in and the severe throbbing had turned to a dull ache.

"You did well against Tatara," Yu commented.

"Thanks buddy," I replied with a light tipped smile.

He grinned back at me and we were silent for a few minutes before Yu broke the silence once more, "You wanna fight with me?"

"Bring it!" I said and we rushed down to the training room together and fought until the moon was high in the sky.

It went on for days like this; we'd sleep for eight hours and fight for the other sixteen. It was demanding but with every day my scrapes and breaks healed faster, my grips got tighter, my reactions faster.

Slowly but surely.

I was getting stronger.

 **Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!**

 **I've realised at the moment that I seem to end every chapter with Ayato thinking, 'I'm getting stronger, I am a monster' etc etc. But I promise you that soon he'll be thinking other things;) Like 'damn I gotta survive this' ;P So I hope you're not getting bored- I realise it might be dragging a bit at the moment.**

 **Anyways let me know what you thought of this chapter in the reviews down below!**

 **Love ya guys,**

 **Acia xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I gotta long chapter for you today so hope you enjoy! I also apologise for the uneven chapters… some are like 1700 and others 4300 like this one lol;)**

Chapter 5- Put your strength to the test

It must have been at least five weeks later. I barely thought of Touka and Anteiku, instead pushing those memories- full of frustration and regret- to the back of my mind, and I locked them away in a chest. I didn't need them anymore. I was strong, with strong people. I was gonna fight. And I was proud of it.

I and Yu were in the training room yet again. Slashing away with real swords, throwing real knifes at one another, nicking each other on the face, or the ear, or the arm. Seeing who could hit the other the most times in ten minutes. If you healed fast enough, the wound didn't count. Eto had suggested the task, insisting it would quicken our reflexes and reactions, as well as boost our healing abilities.

Sweat dripped from my face as I leaped into the air, somersaulting over the top of Yu, shooting my kagune's spikes at him from mid-air.

"Ha!" I shouted out, "Got you well and good that time." Just then the timer beeped, the ten minutes were up.

"Damn!" Yu exclaimed, throwing his hands up in defeat, the weapons clattering to the ground. "You got me like twenty times with that last attack!"

I laughed, "You hit me once, and I'll hit you twice!"

He grinned, picking up his weapons once again, "Not for long Mr, high and mighty!"

Just then the door opened and an old Chinese woman walked in followed somewhat reluctantly by Tatara, "This is Mulan. She's a mask maker; I want her to get you a mask ASAP Ayato."

He turned and left without another word, before I could even nod a 'yes'.

We both stared at her.

Mulan stood there twiddling her thumbs for a moment after the door had slammed shut. "I'm an old friend," She said hurriedly, looking at our raised eyebrows at his odd flippancy upon her arrival.

"Cool," Yu replied immediately. "I heard he used to be part of a Chinese Ghoul organisation- similar to Aogiri according to what I've heard?"

This was news to me, I listened with interest.

"Yes, yes, I was the mask maker there, Tatara asked me to come over to Tokyo a while back and make masks when he needed them made. I obliged of course, we are old friends."

Me and Yu looked at one another, _friends?_ It looked more like he was sick of her being here.

"Sure," I said.

"You must be Ayato child?"

I nodded, ignoring the slight irritancy that had niggled at the back of my mind at her use of the word 'child'. The Manager always called me 'child' or 'son'. I wasn't his son. Nor was I his child.

"Let's get you a mask made then." She smiled, she had a kind smile. "What kind would you like?"

"Er…."

"An animal one!" Yu butted in, "Like a big grizzly bear! Or a dog! Nah… black Dobers a doggy thing ain't she… A shark! With big sharp teeth." He opened his mouth wide and stretched his hands out like claws as if to demonstrate.

I laughed at his impressions, then went silent at the thought of animals. "A rabbit," I murmured softly to myself.

"Ewww! Rabbits are weak and fragile- you don't want one of them! You should get a Yeti! Yeah, like all grrrr and rawwwrrrr! Tigers! Omg yes! RAAAWWRRR."

But I wasn't listening anymore. Yu's words struck a chord in me and I stepped back, flinching as if I'd been stabbed. He didn't notice, to intent on his animal impressions. Rabbits were Touka's favourite animal. She had two rabbit hair grips; she never took them out her hair… I gulped. But no, Yu was right, rabbits were weak, the very reflection of Touka herself. I was _not_ weak. I was _not_ a rabbit.

"I don't want an animal," I said suddenly, my voice sounding strange and distant for some reason.

Yu stopped abruptly, "Awwww! Sucks dude- you'd look so cool! I got a hyena mask! Hahahaha! Omg we could've been hyena twins!"

I grinned, "I'm my own animal. I don't need to pretend to be some other animal, I'm the Ayato! The only one of my kind!" I explained excitedly.

"Ooooawww! Yeah!" Yu exclaimed, somewhat awed.

"Sounds good," Mulan said, smiling sweetly. "So what sort of design do you want?"

We spent the next hour drawing designs in chalk on the cracking, oily walls. We made up stupid faces and laughed until our sides hurt. But by the next day I had a mask. A real mask, of my own.

I was ready to fight the doves.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

It was later that evening when Tatara had walked in, saying he needed us for a job immediately. We'd shot up excitedly and followed him through the sewage tunnels to Tokyo centre.

Tatara wore his usual ghoul get up, with his red, half face covering mask and his long white overall. Eto had given us two sets of old children's clothes that the 'housekeeper', Amalie had freshly washed. She was eight. But according to Eto she wasn't 'strong enough' to fight in a real battle. She was soft- hearted, and cried over her parent's deaths often, but for a child that young it was hardly surprising. Eto was too harsh with her, but argued that she had given Amalie a home, which I guess was true. I felt for her though, sometimes when I'd see her crying I'd feel an urge to go over to her and comfort her: To wrap her in my arms like Touka used to do for me. But Yu, Eto, Tatara or my own anger at Touka's weakness would tug me away from her.

I was wearing a _Tom and Jerry_ T-shirt with jeans and Yu was wearing _Looney Tunes._ I kept glancing round me subconsciously, even though the tunnels were empty of ghouls, knowing full well that I and Yu looked ridiculous.

"Do you use the tunnels often?" I broke the silence.

"All the time!" Yu answered, "Right Tatara?"

He grunted a 'yes'.

Yu grinned at me.

It was about five minutes later when Tatara halted, his boots ceasing to clap loudly on the soggy floor. "Right, I want you to do exactly as I say now. And focus, this is important." We both nodded, our faces solemn. "Aogiri needs information that can only be gained from the Dove headquarters, the CCG."

My heart stiffened, how were we supposed to break into the CCG? Just the two of us? We were strong kids but… not of the level of others in Aogiri.

"You are the only two that can do it, because you can both pass as excited human children, wanting to meet the 'great ghoul fighters' if you get caught or seen. You understand?"

We both nodded and my heart loosened marginally.

He took his laptop out and opened up what looked like a floor plan. Wet, slime dripped onto my t-shirt from the ceiling. I shivered. Slowly the screen came into focus in the murky tunnel and I stared for a moment in shocked awe at the maze of corridors and rooms, the amount of floors, the basements, the offices, the court rooms, meeting rooms, labs…

My head spun, baffled by the scale of the Doves headquarters. The power they currently held. I thought back to our oily fish base, we really looked weak compared to them. Well… outnumbered maybe, but not by any means outmatched.

I grinned at Yu. We could do this. I'd show Touka that there's more to a ghoul's life than hiding.

"This is the main office room," He pointed to a large room on the tenth floor. "All you need to do is access a computer in here. So, you go to the main lifts and go up to the tenth floor, turn left and the offices should be down a little on the right," He handed me a USB stick, "Place the file on there, its name is VXV. You got that?"

"VXV," We chorused. I placed the USB stick snug in my pocket.

"Good. One last thing: Under no circumstance are you to look at the file. If you get found out and captured the Doves can _not_ find out that we're after that file or that we know of its existence, understand? Do _not_ look at the file." His eyes pierced into me and I gulped at the intensity behind them. He truly was terrifying. Yet I couldn't help the slight curiosity that bit at my stomach, irritating like a mosquito bite.

"Remember boys, this is not a game, it's not a practice fight. It's real and should be treated as such. You're strong and smart for your age. Don't waste it."

We nodded once more.

He motioned his head forward. "Go. Enter the building unsuspiciously but try not to attract too much attention, Eto and I have dealt with the CCTV cameras but the rest is up to you, understood?"

We turned and climbed up the slimy ladder attached to the wall, shoving the man-hole cover open as we neared the top.

Gradually, we emerged down a dark alley, the man-hole cover slamming shut behind us. I looked up at the sky, the moon shone above us faintly, light pollution smothering its usual comforting glow.

"Let's go," Yu said. We walked swiftly in silence side by side and emerged on a large, busy street, the CCG headquarters stood opposite us like a beacon. Its windows were all lit up like thousands of tiny eyes, they shone on me twinkling maliciously: _we're watching you. We know who you are. You can't deceive us._

I shuddered.

"CCG works 24/7," Yu commented somewhat randomly, I heard him take a shaky breath, "Come on Yatty, we got this."

The street lights blazed above, blinding me momentarily. Cars shot past us, lights flashed, horns beeped furiously, taxis halted at the side of the road. Drunken humans walloped past us like delirious wasps, buzzing angrily. Men in suits walked swiftly up the paths, ignoring the world around them, purely concentrating on their destination. Shop doors swung open, their bells tinkling in the night air. Two large fountains stood before the CCG, glowing a range of kaleidoscopic colours, water cascading over the stone. "Beautiful," I murmured.

"It really is," Yu agreed. "I haven't been out of that oily place for months. Makes a change." He breathed a nervous laugh.

"Yeah, it's weird; I used to live here…walk down these streets all the time…"

A flash of me and Touka running down this very street hand in hand, daddy chasing after us as we held his new and only mobile phone in between our hands, burned through my vision. His hard, croaky like voice yelling after us, _"Oy! I'm gonna kill you two! Cheeky little monkeys!"_ sailed into my ears. Our giggles, when we'd tripped over a drain and collapsed on the floor laughing. Daddy had reached us then, and scooped us up, tickling our tummies.

The phone had lain forgotten on the ground.

I didn't even realise I was smiling at the memory until Yu clicked his fingers in front of my face, "You okay dude?"

The smile vanished, and I squeezed my fists together, why did those memories have to haunt me even now? "Yeah, sorry, let's get this done."

Yu gave one sharp nod and hand in hand we crossed the road. My mother's voice unwillingly latching onto my ears _, "Remember Ayts to look left…"_

" _Then right then left again!"_

" _Well done Touka, but next time let Ayato answer."_

I blinked hard. Forget them! Forget them all!

We walked up the stone steps, a few workers hurried past us, lost in their own world. No one paid any attention to us. With each step I could feel my heart racing faster, four steps to go, nerves tingling in the bottom of my stomach, two steps to go. The hustle bustle died down as we stepped into the CCG. The door swung shut behind us.

No steps to go.

We held our breath for a moment. The room was big. White washed walls glared down at us. _You can't fool us. We can see right through you._

A large desk sat opposite, a woman with a tight bun sat there, lost in her paper work.

Yu looked at me, "Lucky!" He whispered. We slipped past the desk, our heads barely reaching the counter, and skipped silently off to the lifts.

I pressed the glowing '10' as we stepped inside the lifts. The doors closed with a rebounding snap.

We both breathed hard, my heart pounded in my chest, beating ferociously like a drum.

"Well that was easier than I'd first expected! First hurdle past!" Yu exclaimed.

"Yeah but we'd better stay alert." I responded the image of Tatara's intense eyes claiming my excitable attitude. This was real. It was vital we got this right.

"Yeah," Yu agreed, his voice turning suddenly harder.

The doors pinged, _"Level ten,"_ The robotic voice of the lift informed us, and we stepped out into a dimly lit corridor. I gulped. We looked and one another then, taking a slow breath, followed the corridor down on the left, towards where we knew the offices would be.

A large bin stood outside two large glass doors, "The offices," Yu whispered. I glanced up, there were CCTV cameras everywhere. Glad they were out of action and of our disguises, I motioned for Yu to peak through. The offices were almost empty apart from three Doves. One had dark, close cropped hair, he was bent over a screen, focusing and typing aggressively. The other had ginger hair and stood over by the coffee machine, he rubbed his eyes tiredly but was smiling cheerily all the same. I sniffed, an aromatic taste filling my nostrils and throat. "Gods I love coffee," I whispered to Yu.

"Me too!" He grinned.

Our eyes drifted to the third man, he had waves of white hair and a crazed expression. His eyes were wild and the pupils tiny holes of darkness. His fingers were spindly, on one he wore a wedding ring with which he was twirling as he read off the screen.

"He looks dangerous," Yu commented.

I merely nodded, the White Dove's almost mocking expression having chilled me to the bone.

The man suddenly pushed backwards from the desk and stood up, sniffing deeply, "I smell ghouls around here boys."

The others merely sighed, looking at one another, "Mado, you can always smell ghouls." His voice was muffled through the glass.

"Really though, they're here, plotting their next move, watching us." He licked his lips.

I and Yu zipped backwards, flattening ourselves against the wall. "Dangerous alright," I said.

"I'm going to the toilet." The man, 'Mado' apparently, said.

We looked at one another, fear reflected in each other's eyes. "Go!" Yu whispered frantically, we raced behind the bin and crouched down, holding our breath. If he caught us now… I shook my head. We just had to get the file, and get out. It was as simple as that. We had our disguises and the CCTV cameras were out of action; we'd be fine. _Perfectly fine_ , I tried desperately to reassure myself.

The glass doors swung open, and Mado stepped out. He paused for a moment, "Definitely some ghouls around tonight," He cackled with laughter and went off to the toilets, his legs making long looping strides, and, thankfully, not passing the bin we were hiding behind.

A light bulb switched suddenly on in my head: If we could catch the door now, we might be able to slip in unnoticed. The door went to swing shut, my mouth opened and closed like a gold fish. Please disappear Mado! But the corridors were long and Mado wasn't exactly hurrying to return to his desk work.

Yu, clearly of the same mind, dashed silently forward and stuck his foot in the doorway. His eyes wide with nervous energy. I glanced at him, and then back at Mado.

The white haired man paused and cocked his head.

Yu froze, his terrified eyes piercing my own. Blood rushed through my ears, nerves and fear blinding my senses.

Then Mado rounded the corner.

I closed my eyes, allowing myself a split second of relief before I joined Yu and we slipped into the offices, immediately crouching down on all fours to avoid being seen.

I beckoned for him to follow me. The ginger haired Dove sat down with his coffee, his chair squeaking noisily in the silence of the room. Good, now they were both concentrating on their work.

We slipped silently to the other side of the room; far away from Mado and the other Dove's computers. I looked at Yu, "Now what?" He whispered his eyes ablaze with fear.

"We wait," I replied, "Patience."

Yu nodded and we made ourselves as comfortable as possible in that small cramped space.

Mado walked in a second later, "I can smell them, now stronger than ever." His voice punctured the room, although we could no longer see him.

Yu licked his lips and mouthed, 'Sneaky little bastard."

I had to clench my stomach to hold back my snigger.

"Have you boys heard any news of the One Eyed Owl?" Mado said; we listened with interest. That was Eto's alias.

"Not a wink," One replied.

"Yeah," The other agreed, "It's like he's vanished from mid- air."

 _She._ I couldn't help but think it.

"It could be a 'she'," Mado smacked his lips loudly, voicing my thoughts accurately. "I can't wait to rip it to shreds."

I saw Yu's fists clench from the corner of my vision.

"I have an idea of how to catch it." Mado's footsteps padded on the floor, where was he going? "I've been following any movements I can find for a while; I think it's docked itself near the old fishing industry."

My eyes widened.

"An unauthorised boat came in a few months ago, no one thought much of it, was no big news, but according to records a young police officer was dispatched to deal with it: Alone. He never came back and an old friend of mine swore he saw a glimpse of the One- Eyed-Owl killing the young fella down the docks. Plenty of good ol' warehouses and abandoned boat houses out there for the animals to hide in, ain't there?"

Yu grasped my hand, staring at me with big, wide, terrified eyes. "They know!" He mouthed.

"Oh Mado, I don't really think that could be possible. It's a good theory but how many of these theories of yours have ever worked?"

"You need to drop the past Mado, let it go. You won't ever catch him/her. Let your wife live in peace."

I frowned _. Let your wife live in peace?_ What had happened?

The sudden sound of glass smashing on the floor hit our ears, and Mado growled, "Let it go? Let it go! Well boys it's too late for that now, I already dispatched a team to search the area and attack and kill any ghouls on sight. We'll drive the little buggers out of their hiding places, don't you worry boys. Your Senpai has this all covered." Mado cackled again, like a witch, like some evil spirit.

Yu gasped and I shoved my hand over his mouth. No, they wouldn't, this was a trick. He was lying. Mado was lying. They couldn't have found us. They couldn't! Aogiri was always careful… always…

Yet his theory was true, that boat had been carrying Mulan, and Eto had indeed killed a man that day. Mado was right.

My breath came in short, sharp gasps, calm down. _Calm down._

"What's that noise?" One asked.

"The ghouls," Mado replied without missing a beat, so _casually_.

We both froze.

One man sighed, "Well you do whatever you think is right Mado; we all trust your instincts. I'm going home."

"Same, I've read the same line over about ten times and it hasn't sunk in one bit." There was the shuffling of chairs and the sound of laptop lids snapping shut, the rustle of papers being shoved into bags, then the zip and the click of bags shutting.

"I'll join you," Mado hooted with laughter once more and they all left within minutes.

The moment the glass doors snapped shut Yu turned to me, a look of horror splattered across his face. "We have to warn them! They're going to get attacked! We have to go now!" He got up to leave and I dragged him back down.

"Wait, just wait a minute."

"There's no time," He spluttered incomprehensively.

"Yukine!" I said sharply, he froze, "Think about it- Aogiri is strong enough to fight back and sense the Doves coming. They'll be fine, plus the other Doves didn't even know Mado had planned this: It can't be that big an operation. Aogiri will be fine. And we have our own task to complete. Likewise it could be a trap, who knows someone might have spotted us," I bit my lip, "Mado sure sounded like he knew we were here, it could be a trap to lure us out. We have to be strong. Tatara told us to get this information. He said it was vital. Let's get the information first and then get out and warn them. If we run to warn Aogiri now and they catch us then they'll be no point in it. The best thing to do is get the information, agreed?"

Yu nodded, "Let's hurry."

We stood up as the room plunged into darkness, "Shit," Yu muttered beside me.

I breathed a laugh, "Lucky."

We grabbed the nearest computer and I switched it on, the glare of the screen and the glimmer of light from the corridor gave us all the light we needed. I plunged in the USB stick.

 _Password needed._

The words flashed up on screen and my brain froze.

"Now what?" Yu whispered.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, dad used to teach us how to use the computer at home. I remember trying to get on, _password needed,_ I had ended up hacking it somehow and I remember dad shouting at me when he got home. I couldn't even remember how I did it.

I gulped, "I've done this before," I said to Yu, "I just… need a moment to remember how."

I closed my eyes, trying to access my four year old brain, what did I do? I sailed my mouse around the screen and then began to fiddle around pointlessly.

"Hurry!" Yu juggled beside me.

"Be quiet!" I snapped; Yu went still. "Sorry I just… need some quiet. Give me time."

I could almost hear Yu snapping back, _we don't have time_! But he must have bit back the retort. He stayed quiet.

"How about you try, The-One-Eyed-Owl?" Yu said after a few minutes.

"'K," I said, discouraged. "You type it."

Yu typed it in.

 _Access granted._

We stared in shock at a moment at the screen. A 'windows' screen saver popped up and we looked at one another, our mouths turning up in grins. "You did it!" I yelled before slapping a hand over my mouth before I shouted anymore and attracted the Doves attention. Yu looked as shocked as I did.

He snorted with laughter, "Well, next hurdle complete!"

Disbelief and victory hammering through our blood, we went straight into the files and, after seeing that there were 8600 files in the computer decided to search it.

VXV

The file popped up and I copied it onto the memory stick.

10% complete.

We waited with our breath held.

20% complete.

"This is taking too long," Yu murmured distractedly.

"I wonder what's on the file." I commented, having given up on hiding my aching curiosity.

33% complete.

"Shall we take a peak?" Yu licked his lips, a cheeky grin and mischievous glint in his eye.

"But Tatara said…"

"He'll never know!" Yu's face was lit up with boyish energy.

45% complete

"'K," We opened the files.

"Whaaaaaat?" Yu said.

I scanned the first page.

 _Documentation of Ghoul biology._

 _The test results and health records of captive ghouls in the last century have found that…_

 _The Pumpkin autopsy of 1997_ _compared with the Wallaby Autopsy of 1983 revealed that the consumption of roughly two human beings on a monthly basis will considerably boost a Ghoul's…_

 _It has become apparent from the test subjects of the Tokyo Ghoul institution, now known as the_ _…_ _that the Ghoul's kagune structure is similar to that of other creatures that reside on Planet Earth. This study of…_

The sentences popped out at me and I frowned. "What on earth…?"

 _78% complete_

"I don't get a word of that, oh well." Yu shut down the file.

"Hey! I was reading that!" I exclaimed.

Yu giggled, "Soz."

"Pft," I answered.

"Oh well would you look at that!" Yu quipped.

 _100% complete._

"Let's go!" I grabbed the memory stick and shoved back in my pocket, deleted the computer's memory for safety in case the Doves came searching for intruders and switched it off. Yu juggled beside me, "Okay done." We shot past the rows of computers.

It was then that the corridor outside went black.

We froze.

"Erm…why did the lights go off?" Yu whispered.

"Dunno…" I hesitated then opened the door and stepped out.

Yu followed closely behind. The office door clicked shut behind us.

"Well well well, what do we have here?"

Mado's voice loomed out of the darkness.

 _Shit._

 **Oh how I love cliffhangers!;) Hope you guys enjoyed this! Constructive criticism is always welcome so drop me a review down below!**

 **Love ya guys,**

 **Acia xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Hope you're all enjoying school! I'm not… I got mocks coming up soon eeek!:/ So sorry if this fanfic just suddenly cuts off;) I am not dead… just busy:P**

 **Also there's a bit of a gruesome bit in this chapter so if you're a bit squeamish just a warning- you can easily skip over itX)**

 **Anyways enjoy!**

Chapter 6- The real enemy

The lights blazed on and we gaped.

At least ten Doves surrounded us on all sides, Ghoul Kagune weapons at their sides; disguised as white brief cases.

 _Shit._

The world circled round my head and I suddenly felt sick, the world swaying in front of me in dizzying circles.

"OMG! YOU REALLY DO HAVE WHITE BRIEF CASES! COOOOL!" Yu leaped up; his face alight with childish curiosity and awe.

 _Of course; our disguises. I'm an excited kid. I love Doves. I'm nervous but not scared. I know they won't hurt me… they won't kill me. I just have to pretend._

"Yu! Shhh!" I whispered frantically, tugging on his shirt. I'd play the shy one; Yu would play the loud one. _Perfect._

"And what do you think you're doing?" A bulky Dove stepped forward, his face stony and hard.

"Come on Boss, they're just a couple of kids," It was ginger again, his eyes twinkled with amusement.

Bulky raised his eye brows. "At midnight? Seems suspicious if you ask me."

I swallowed hard; only half acting, "Em… we're really sorry Sirs… we were just…er…" I fiddled with my hands as they towered over me, displaying waves of angry and deadly aura. _Jeez, I thought they were meant to adore kids._

"We wanted to meet you!..." Yu looked down at the floor and then bowed low, "You're really cool, you know fighting Ghouls and stuffs and… yea… I wanna be a Dove when I grow up!" Yu grinned up at them, "Is it true that Ghouls are sick if they eat human food?"

Ginger laughed aloud, "Oh the joys of kids! Yes, it's true lad," He stepped forward and patted Yu's head.

"Where are your parents?" Bulky demanded, still not buying the story.

 _Annoying bastard._

I glanced around at the other Doves, some looked angry, others amused, other merely curious.

Yu shuffled his feet and looked at me, wanting me to answer, "We… sneaked out…" I bit my lip, "Sorry…" Panic swarmed like buzzing bees in my stomach, we'd lightly discussed the means of our 'back-story' should we get caught. But only vaguely. And we'd come up with so many different ideas… Gods we were so stupid… we'd acted so…. _Childish._

 _Tch_ : I wouldn't be making that mistake again.

"So they don't know you're here?" Bulky's voice dragged me back into the present.

We shook our heads.

"Dear God!" He threw his hands up and we both jumped at his sudden exclamation, "What are your names?"

Ginger made a mocking face behind Bulky and I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing. He winked, I decided I liked Ginger. Well… all except the dove part of him.

"Yukine."

"Yato." I said, Tatara had told me to shorten my name and turn it into an alias; the Doves had gained me and Touka's names from our neighbour and knew we were Ghouls, back when dad... As a precaution it was best if I used a fake name, yet still close to the truth.

"And your parents' names?"

"This is like an interrogation," Ginger cut in, "Let's get these kids sat down with some milk and cookies and contact their parents then, sound good boys?"

"Yeah!" Yu shouted, "I love milk and cookies!"

 _Oh Gods, not food._

I merely smiled a shy, _gullible_ smile.

The band of Doves led us down the corridor back towards the lifts; we couldn't escape even if we tried. We were surrounded on all sides by them. I gave a flickering glance at Mado; his beady eyes were fixated on me. I got the odd sense he was evaluating my every move.

I gulped and turned away, the atmosphere of suspicion hung thick in the air. They weren't buying our story at the drop of a hat, like we thought they would.

"What were you doing in the computer room?" Another Dove asked not unkindly, waves of blonde curly hair bating in his eyes with every step.

"We wanted to see if we could find cool information about Ghouls! We're doing presentations on animals in school see and I and Yatty are doing Ghouls!" Yu grinned, utterly convincing.

"And what did you find?" The man looked at me directly, his bright blue eyes piercing my own.

"Well-"

"I was talking to Yato, Yukine."

"Oh… okay."

"Er…" I started looking at Yu, we have to act nervous, we have to act convincing. _I am a shy nine year old. I am awed by Doves. I aspire to be a Dove. Stay as close to the truth as possible._

He nodded, "Go on Yatty, tell 'em!"

"We guessed the passcode," I gave a shy, prideful grin. "Well we'd snuck in when Mado had gone to the loo… then we hid under the desk and overheard the conversation about the One Eyed Owl-"

"Is it true Mado? Have you found it!?" Yu interrupted, looking up at Mado.

Mado gave a gleeful cackle.

Fear struck my heart. _No, Aogiri would be fine! They had to be. We just had to focus on getting out now. Don't think of Aogiri. Concentrate._

"Continue Yato," We stepped into the lift and blue eyes looked at me expectantly.

"And we guessed the passcode…" I looked around me. Many had disapproving looks but gingers eyes were alight with amusement. "Then we went onto files and," _Stick as close to the truth as possible. The Doves must not know we know about file VXV._ "We saw a file about the Pumpkin."

A few chuckles rose up, "Oh that surely was an interesting case."

"Was one of Arima's first investigations right?" Ginger asked.

"Was indeed," Another answered.

"Who's Arima?" Yu frowned.

"The best investigator ever!" Ginger exclaimed.

"Whoa!"

The lift pinged.

" _Level 12."_

I felt like smacking the speaker in the corner of the lift.

Purposefully the Doves led us into a small coffee room and sat us down. Bulky sat opposite.

"So, what are your parents' names?" He started immediately. I hesitantly lowered myself onto the sofa. It sunk underneath me like a pillow…

" _Oy Touka, why'd you hit me with the pillow?"_

" _It's called a pillow fight silly! The friends in my book did it! It's for fun!"_ Touka's childish laugh soared into my head.

"I'm living with my sister at the moment," Yu said, matter of fact, forcing me out of my memories and into reality. "She's called Ets, Ets Kageyama."

"And Yato?"

"My mum's called Mulan, Mulan Kurusaki." I made up. "But she's in China at the moment; I've been staying with Yu." _It's best if we stay together. Get an Aogiri member to pick us up._ It had become clear by then that the Doves wouldn't let us out their sight unless we had some sort of a Guardian with us.

"I know Ets number- she can come pick us up and take us home!" Yu grinned once more. _Yes, that's good Yu, keep it up._

"Go on then, we'll ring her and get her to pick you up."

"O7924 026483." That was Eto's private phone number: Thank Gods Yu knew it.

Bulky stood up and turned to ring the phone when Mado spoke up, "Jake, could I have a word? Actually Shoyo and Tobio stay in here. I want to talk to the rest of you outside."

He sniggered.

I stiffened.

The band of Doves left leaving only Ginger and Blue Eyes.

Ginger placed down cookies and milk in front of us.

"Ooooo!" Yu grabbed one straight of and broke off a big bit. I had to stop myself from retching at the sight of it. He ignored the milk and chewed the piece of cookie for far too long. I could see his eyes screaming in disgust but he swallowed it, covering up his revulsion and beamed at Ginger and Blue Eyes.

"They good?" Blue eyes asked, sitting down where Bulky had sat moments before.

"On point!" Yu replied.

Ginger held one out to me, "Yato?"

I shook my head. "Come on Yatty- you gotta try it! They're gorgeous!" Yu.

I shook my head again, "I'm not hungry." If we both dived in for the cookies, wouldn't that look suspicious in itself?

Yu huffed and picked up the biggest cookie, wafting it in front of my nose.

"Oy!" I yelled out slapping his hand away.

Yu giggled and tried to shove it in my mouth. I laughed aloud, _act convincing._

Eventually Yu managed to shove it in my mouth, half on top of me. It was then that I realised I was shielded from the Doves. They couldn't see me. Yu had pushed me back on purpose.

I chewed it fast; a sour pungent taste massed in my mouth, supressing my throat, my stomach squeezed in protest. I made retching faces at Yu, trying in anguish to deal with the discomfort and agony of human food. He laughed, "Gotcha!"

"Come on boys, act sensible," Ginger tutted.

We sat up straight, "Sorrrrryyyy." It was twenty five percent a moan.

The door clicked open and the Doves walked back inside, "Your sister's on her way Yukine." Bulky voiced.

"You both had something to eat and drink?" Mado leered.

"Yup!" We chorused, ignoring the malice behind the question.

"Well, you boys ain't touched your milk yet," Blue eyes winked. _False kindness. They know who we are. Unless it's just a precaution… Let's feed the imposters food to see whether they're ghouls or not: false kindness. Genius._

"Ewww! Milk is yuky! It's all watery and runny and ughl!" Yu made a face.

"No it's not!" I protested, _that's right stall for time_ , _don't act suspicious. Don't wolf the food down yet don't refuse all contact with it._ "It helps your bones to grow you know."

"Hmph."

"You'll stay tiny forever!" I sang in his ears.

His lips twitched, "Fine!" He gripped me hand, as if play fighting and took the milk.

He glugged it down in one, his hands sweaty in my own palms, his grip vice like. Fear gripped me, what are you doing Yu!? But at the same time I cheered him on. Now they'd have to believe that Yu was human! Thank Thor Aogiri had helped us own a large food intolerance.

He licked his lips and shoved the glass down, "Ha! Beat that Yatty!"

"You're gonna be sick glugging it down that fast." I commented, looking at him disapprovingly.

Ginger laughed, "And here we were suspecting the two of you to be ghouls."

"Shoyo!" Blue eyes slapped him; hard. I had to fight to bite back a snort of laughter. The other Doves stared at him wide-eyed.

"Well… it's true…" Ginger put his hands up in a surrender gesture.

"Whoa! You thought we were ghouls!?" Yu's lips were tightly sealed; he was trying fretfully not to show it I knew. I squeezed his hand; I'd do the talking for now.

"Suspect everyone- that's how you catch them." Ginger explained. "Besides, many large Ghoul organisations such as Aogiri employ children ghouls for missions like gaining information from the CCG. They use the kids as cover, see?"

"Cool!" Yu said, releasing my hand. _So, the Doves are smarter than we thought._ I gave an inward smile, _This battle for freedom was going to be interesting._ Yu then turned to Mado, "Can I go to the toilet please?"

"Haha, you shouldn't have drunk all that milk!" I giggled, knowing full well he was probably going to throw up in the toilets.

Yu beamed at me.

"Fine," Bulky answered for Mado, he led Yu out the room.

They left and the room went silent. "You gonna drink your milk as well Yato?"

We couldn't both go and throw up in the toilets, I shook my head.

"You don't like it?" Blue eyes sat down next to me.

"I only like some milks," I said, "Only the blue bottled one." I crossed my fingers, praying that this milk was _not_ the blue milk.

"Ah… Full fat milk I see, well I'm afraid this one is the red topped bottle."

I nodded. Relief swarmed my head.

"So what did you find out about the Pumpkin?"

"Not much." I kept my sentences short, willing for Yu to come back and fill the silence with chatting. "We saw the lights turn off and shut down the computer- we got a little scared that Ghouls had come to attack," I giggled, _keep talking. Don't give them a reason to suspect you._

"After all that time in there you only got a glimpse?"

"Fishy," Mado sang. They all ignored him.

"It took us a long time to guess the passcode…" I gave a small, shy smile.

A few of them chuckled.

"You know…" Mado started, I heard his feet shuffle round and he sat down cross legged in front of me. "There's a way to test and see if you are ghouls… but according to laws us Doves aren't allowed to do it, in case of damage… but it would make our lives a lot easier. It would save a lot of lives," Mado licked his lips; his black pits stared unnervingly into my own.

The other Doves stiffened slightly, the atmosphere had changed.

I merely looked at him.

"A ghoul's skin is a lot tougher than humans… if you stick a pin into a human's skin it will slide straight through. But if you drive a needle into a ghoul… it won't go in, a ghoul's skin is too thick, too _strong_ …" Mado cackled again.

Fear gripped my heart like a vice.

"I don't like needles," I said, putting my arms tight round me.

Ginger stood in front of me, "But that theory hasn't actually been proven yet Mado, we're not allowed to do it yet."

"But imagine, if every child at school was checked… every person… our problems would be solved tenfold."

"A young ghoul's skin is naturally softer than an adult ghoul's skin. The test wouldn't be evidence enough. The results could be wrong."

Mado simply cackled, he paced his hand on my forehead and I lurched backwards, "Definitely smells like a Ghoul boys…"

Then Yu came back with Bulky.

Mado stood up.

"You stole me seat!" Yu exclaimed, pointing at Ginger.

But immediately I knew something was wrong. Yu's eyes had turned darker, his fists clenched and unclenched. Sweat was building on his forehead. He hadn't thrown up. He was battling the urge to be sick. The sight of him somehow loosened my own clenching pain.

"You okay kiddo?" Mado leered, he pressed his hand on Yu's forehead and Yu stumbled back.

"I'm fine," He answered far too quickly.

"You glugged the milk down too fast you idiot! You've gone and given yourself indigestion!" I sighed.

Yu sighed too then, "Yup! I think I did," He fell back against the sofa, but his movements remained stiff.

Just then the door opened and Eto walked in, she wore a brown haired wig, and brown contacts. It was the first time I'd ever seen her face without bandages. A light blush lit up her cheeks; she had a dreamy lazy sort of face, her eyes shone with youth. She really was young.

"Ets!" I leaped up and ran to her, hugging her tight. _Keep acting._ Yet the relief that danced round my head made me almost giddy.

"Oh Yato, you silly boy!" She scolded lightly. A slight confusion hit me in my temple, she'd guessed my alias?! "You've been worrying me sick."

Yu groaned from the sofa, "I gave myself indigestion…"

Eto sighed and strode across to the sofa, ignoring the mass of Doves in the room, and slapped Yu lightly across the face, "Do you have any idea how worried I've been!?" Yu's lips twitched, "It's not funny young man! What on earth were you thinking? If you want to meet Doves you do it properly, you do it the right way and that's with me, and not in the middle of the night." She picked up a cookie and chomped on it furiously "You see what you're making me do? Stress eating!"

I looked down, "Sorry Ets."

"Yea… sorry…" Yu mumbled into the sofa. She tutted and whipped her head round. I winced, half expecting the wig to fly off, but it stuck on fast.

"I am so sorry," She addressed the Doves, "For the behaviour of my stupid brother and his friend. I will do anything to make it up to you."

She dragged Yu off the sofa.

"It's fine ma'am, just get those two home." Blue Eyes smiled.

"Thank you so much for your understanding." Eto gushed. "Come on then idiots!" She grasped Yu and my hands and ushered us out the door.

It was then that I felt the sharp nick in my neck. "Ow!" I protested, moving my hand up and down my neck.

"What?" Eto asked.

I turned round, facing the wall of Doves behind me, Mado leered at me, and the others merely frowned back at me.

"You alright?" Blue Eyes asked.

Ginger was no longer there, I noted.

"Nothing," I mumbled, frowning. Probably just a mosquito bite, I reasoned.

We left uneventfully after that.

It was when we got to the maze of dark alley streets, at least seven blocks from the CCG, that Eto let go of our hands and faced us, "The stick?"

I took it out my pocket and handed it to her, "The file's on it: VXV."

"Good, well done boys. You played your parts well." She licked her lips and smiled before murmuring to herself, "There Dr. Kanou! I have the information now…hmmm mmm…"

"Can I throw up now?" Yu looked green.

Eto nodded her head, Yukine went and vomited in the corner. "You too Ayato, I'm guessing you ate a cookie or two, you don't want to get ill, two fingers down your throat." She sang.

I nodded and did as she said.

"Eto," Yukine croaked, "The Doves said they've found our base; they were talking about the fishing industry."

"It's fine, Nora sensed them coming and we've moved."

"So Mado wasn't lying," I murmured.

"Huh? Mado? That little bastard. He's a right thorn in the foot," Eto giggled, then suddenly went sharp.

"What?" I asked.

"Doves. They're following us."

"What? Why?" Yu exclaimed.

"Not why… _how_?" Eto looked at me. "You said 'ow' back in the CCG, why?"

"I felt like something pricked my neck but when I felt there was nothing there." I said slowly.

"I made sure no one was following us…" She tiptoed over to me and placed her hands on the back of my neck, they were cold, and started to sing.

" _One mischievous little woodpecker_  
 _Another day, pecking your holes_  
 _Ruining the woods, tree wrecker_  
 _The angry old forest god turned your poor beak into a poison knife_  
 _Poor little wood pecker…_

Ahhhha!" She suddenly jumped, "You've been stung Yatty."

"Huh?" I frowned.

"They put a tracker into you… God knows how but they did. Clearly they didn't trust you… especially after we'd knocked the CCTV cameras out…" She giggled, "Smart little kitties!"

I bit back my terror, "So what now?"

"We cut it out… only problem is I don't have a knife…" She gave a tinkling laugh, "Thought it would be less suspicious. I'm a- gonna have to bite it out Yatty. I'll try and be gentle…" I heard her smack her lips and squeezed my fists together.

Yu came forward, he still looked pale but the pain was gone from his eyes, and he took my hand.

 _Be brave… it's just like breaking a bone... it can't hurt more than that…_

I felt her breath hot on the back of my neck and took a deep breath, closing my eyes tight shut.

I felt her teeth drive into me like a knife. A hot blistering pain struck me hard and I clenched my teeth together. Her hands gripped my shoulders hard and I whimpered as she rummaged in deeper, searching for the tiny metal tracker hidden deep in my neck.

She suddenly backed away with a sigh, "It's in deep Yatty."

"'s okay, I'm good. Just get it out, please." I squeezed Yu's hand, the darkness of my eyes lids helping me deal with the throbbing in my neck. Warm sticky blood flowed from the wound, most likely soaking _Tom and Jerry_ with crimson.

She dove in again, this time harder. I cried out, all my concentration on forcing me to stay still. I felt her teeth leave my neck again and this time felt her nails go in. I gulped hard, my breathing coming in short sharp gasps.

A pain like lightening shot through my spine for a second and I gasped and arched my back.

"Got it!" Eto chirped.

I moaned and opened my eyes blearily.

"That was deep," Yu commented, ripping off his T-shirt and wrapped it tight round my neck, which was pounding furiously and spewing out blood thick and fast.

Then Eto's head snapped up, "They're here already! Fast kitties" She crooned.

"Great!"

"Shit."

 **Did anyone spot the Deadman Wonderland reference?;) Now that really was a gruesome anime *shudders* I kind of got a bit creeped out by that anime at parts lol but I felt the song would be an Eto-like song;)**

 **Anyways I hope you enjoyed! As always I'm open to constructive criticism or just your general view on the chapter so drop me a PM or review down belowX)**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Love ya guys,**

 **Acia xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys!**

 **I'm so sorry I haven't updated in like FOREVER! I've just been so busy with school at the moment- GCSE's in like 3 months eeek!XD I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up but I shall try my very hardest to keep updating often!:D**

 **Anyways hope you enjoy!:)**

Chapter 7- The worthless

It was then that we heard the pounding of boots round the corner.

"Great!"

"Shit."

"It's too late to run?" Yu laughed aloud.

"Just a tad," Eto smiled.

Fear and excitement soared through me, was this my chance? To actually fight a Dove for real? I didn't think then about the possibility that we could lose…it never even occurred to me. We would win as we were stronger; easy. Simple.

Eto giggled and transformed with a bang. Her limbs bulged outwards; large armour coated her body, her Ukaku sprung outwards like wings, she shone in the moonlight.

The One-eyed-Owl stood before us.

I and Yu glanced at each other. Yu released his fire coloured Rinkaku and me my Ukaku. The alley shone with incandescent colours, twinkling in the few puddles that dotted the ground. Yu resembled a burning star in the darkness. And the ground around me shone a startling blue; like lightning.

Eto then dashed up to the top of the building on our right, we could no longer see her.

"She'll come out later, she probably wants to test our abilities too," Yu laughed and I smiled, my back feeling suddenly a lot less sheltered than before.

The Doves skidded to a halt as they rounded the corner. At least twenty of them, they were kitted out now wearing plastic Kagune proof armour, the 'CCG' written in white across their front. They were wearing knee and elbow caps; screwed into their thick bullet proof trousers. They looked like giant armoured bugs; oddly out of place in the alluring light of our Kagune's.

Mado was absent.

Bulky laughed, at the front of the band. "I told you, didn't I? Never trust a kid."

Yu spat on the ground, "Fooled you a tad though didn't I?"

A couple shuffled guiltily. The others merely glared at us.

"So, what were you really looking at on the computers?" Blue Eyes asked, his eyes having gone cold.

"Ha… We didn't exactly lie to you there… we ain't from no big ghoul organisation. We got bored, decided to crash your little office party." Yu breathed a laugh. "We may be killers but we ain't liars. You never actually asked us whether or not we were Ghouls did ya? And my name _is_ Yukine."

"Pft," Blue eyes growled. "Anyway, the both of you are under arrest for committed murders in this city."

"What if I haven't killed anyone?" I asked, before leaving Anteiku I _hadn't_ actually killed anyone. It was Arata who'd gone hunting every month. I felt like slapping these Doves in the face with a few facts. We weren't all crazed killers. I thought of Amalie's soft kind hearted smile of innocence and my heart wrenched; All Doves were narrow-minded brassards.

"Ha- like we'd believe you."

"Until I was nine and a half years old I had never killed a human." I stared at them, "That's the truth. And that was only a few months ago. Since then I've killed six criminals who were harassing your precious humans. That's _it_. Face the facts Doves, we're not all mad. Just a few of us." I gave a fake laugh and muttered, "And you wonder why those few are all crazed." _If you hadn't killed my bastard of a dad and if you didn't exist I'd be living a fucking perfect life. I probably still wouldn't have killed anyone._

Yu giggled, "My track record ain't as clean as Yatty's but if I'm correct humans under the age of fourteen who've committed murders get taken to a special rehab place right? Why should Ghoul's be treated any different?"

A few of them backed away in surprise then.

"You're animals, simple as." Bulky stated.

"Bastard," I muttered.

"Who was the woman then?" Blue eyes spat, his salvia hitting the floor in splatters.

"My sister, she left after she picked us up." Yu stated without missing a beat.

The Doves raised their eyebrows and Bulky laughed aloud, "We supposed to believe you?"

"I told you, I ain't no liar." Yu snarled.

"See? Monsters, the lot of 'em. And you know what Doves do?"

"Let me guess," I breathed a laugh.

"We hunt them down," Bulky's eyes glinted, "And put 'em down."

"Ha! Good luck with that mate, we're not easy to catch. And if you can't catch us- you can't kill us." Yu grinned, showing all his gleaming white teeth.

"A bit outnumbered maybe?" Blue Eyes gloated.

"Outnumbered… yes. Outmatched, never," I smirked.

"Don't get so full of yourselves boys… Humans are stronger than we first seem. You haven't got any leverage."

"You keep telling yourself that _sweetheart_!" Yu mocked.

The Doves seemed to turn a nasty shade of grey then. They tensed and their expressions went dark. For some strange reason I found myself searching for Ginger among the group. I couldn't see any mop of ginger hair. I felt relieved- not quite knowing why.

Bulky released his quinque- it was shaped like a large axe and glimmered white in the darkness. The other Doves followed suit.

Yu looked at me, that mischievous glint in his eyes. _Enjoy it Yatty_ , his expressions, as usual, spoke volumes.

I turned to the Doves before me and tensed, the pain in my neck having turned to a dull ache.

The Doves ran towards us, quarter stayed at the back, blocking the exit from the alley. The others charged with purpose, their kagune proof armour rattling ever so slightly, their boots slapping hard on the ground.

I let lose my Kagune, my arrows with their deathly tips whistling as they soared past my ears: _First you release your offense._

The Doves worked their defences, hitting my spikes with their quinque or allowing them to rebound against their armour. I kept shooting; _got to keep them back. Tire them out._

"Don't shoot aimlessly!" Yu shouted, "Shoot with purpose!" _Hit their weak spots._

I aimed for their necks, where the armour was slack; I shot for the folds between their trousers and chests. I angled my spikes to catch their feet or legs; making them immobile.

Yet they were a hell of a lot stronger than I'd first thought.

My spikes only managed to take out a five of the fifteen; and even then they were only rendered immobile. I had in no way defeated them. "Tsch," I gritted my teeth.

The remaining ten broke out into two groups, the five at the back rushed to their fallen comrades' aid.

"Don't mind! Don't mind!" Yu yelled, "This way it's more fun!" He laughed and charged, hitting half of them head on.

I turned my attention to my five. They spanned out round me, circling me. I forced myself to block out Yu's fight and concentrate on my own. The moon illuminated the fight, bouncing off the shimmering kagunes and quinques. The night felt alive. Blood pounded through my body, adrenaline firing through my veins: round after round, a constant bombardment of energy. My vision sharpened and my kagune steeled.

Bulky had gone after Yu but Blue Eyes stood before me, his ice like eyes penetrating my own.

"So kid, let's see what you can do in a real fight." His smile was sickly.

I grinned, "Thought you'd never ask."

He charged at me his whip like quinque snapping against the ground and hissing like an angry snake. It came down on me full force and I flipped my Kagune round, blocking its hungry fangs perfectly. I then flipped upwards and grabbed hold of the weapon, it was slimy and as Blue Eyes pulled it back it slipped through my fingers, burning my hands.

I yelped and shot spikes from my Kagune all round me; the slight panic from my injury causing me to attack for a moment with naïve recklessness. The Doves blocked them all and I landed on all fours, looking up at them.

"First Attack; failed." Blue Eyes noted, counting on his fingers.

I scowled.

Slowly he came forward with a pair of hand cuffs, "You know you can always surrender yourself to become a prisoner of war… or even a test subject… if you want the _interesting_ life." He laughed aloud.

My scowl disappeared and a fury unlike any other hit me square in the chest. Ferociously, I raced forward and punched him right in his chin, his head jutted backwards and I landed a solid hit underneath his upper armour. The shattering of his ribs was freakishly audible.

He coughed and blood splattered across my face.

"Tobio!" A Dove called out in distress. I kicked my leg up, squeezing it in tight, and letting lose.

He flew across the alley, hitting the wall with a rebounding 'smack'.

I looked him in the eyes then, my emotions had gone still. I felt nothing, not anger, not pain, not sadness, not joy, not relief. Nothing.

And I liked it.

The other four came up around me. I fought off purely instinct then. I didn't think about my movements; I just _did_.

Each one hit the wall or the floor with a crack that shot through my ears Violence ripped through me and a monster awakened in my blood. I wanted to rip them apart into tiny chunks of flesh and blood; I wanted to kill them... It was terrifying yet with every hit it felt so painstakingly _nice_.

I didn't even realise Eto had come down to fight the five at the front, until I stopped and looked round.

Yu was bleeding badly from his arm and his breathing was laboured, one of his usually bright eyes was closed and blood seeped through it, but he grinned, "That was sick; we just took out FIFTEEN doves SINGLE HANDEDLY."

I breathed a laugh, "Yeah… I guess we did…" My blood slowed and I looked around me. Doves lay all over the alley, blood seeping through their black armour; splatters of crimson decorated the slimy walls like a child's first painting.

It was then that Yu's eye rolled to the back of his head and he passed out on the ground within seconds, "Yu!" I ran towards him and dropped to my knees. His breathing was shallow but his heart was still thumping with life. I wrapped up his arm with my T-shirt and wiped the sweat off his brow. I popped his knee back into place and wrapped up his eye; my fingers working away like little ants. I looked at them, those soft fingers of a child, hands of a murderer. Hands of a monster. What _was_ I? What was I _doing_? What did I really _want_?

I turned round, "Eto I think Yu-" But I stopped short when I realised she'd gone. The alley was quiet, almost silent except for the uneven breathing and slow moans escaping the Doves lips.

I shivered and hugged my knees to my chest. "Eto?"

But I received no answer. Pain started to make itself known then. My shoulder stung and felt sticky with blood... I tried to remember how I'd got the injury but my memories of the fight had turned into a blurry haze. My ankle felt twisted and throbbed majestically.

"Bastards, you had the One-Eyed- Owl with you too!" I turned, it was Blue Eyes, yet only one of his crystal eyes was open.

I felt a sudden fear and didn't reply.

"So that woman's the One-Eyed-owl? Ha…this'll be interesting information to give in my next meeting. That woman looked an awful lot like that new author… what's her name again?" He sniggered and clutched his side. Sweat ran down his face like little streams.

The sight of him, so weak, so vulnerable made me want to scream. I wonder if dad had looked like this when he was about to die…

I squeezed my eyes tight, surprised to find hot wet tracks running down my face, like little streams. Maybe Blue Eyes was crying too.

"Why… why do you hate us?" I asked, so child-like.

He spat on the ground, a mix of blood and saliva. "You're all monsters. You're all crazy… the amount of Ghouls I've seen laughing… bent over little kids bodies…" He chocked, whether in anger or sadness I'll never know. "It's disgusting."

Just then there was a loud splat on the floor, I jumped and turned, Eto stood before me; wrapped in her bandages.

She giggled, "What you doing Yattyyyyy?"

"I think Yu's hurt." I said.

" _Think_?" Her eyes flickered to Yu's body.

"Yu's hurt," I rephrased.

"He'll heal." She replied, averting her eyes easily to the rest of the alley. "You haven't finished them off Yatty?"

"They're all injured or knocked out… so I didn't see the point."

Eto tutted, "You keep acting so kindly Yatty and one day it'll come to bite you in the back. I sure regret not killing that little white haired jackass… well he's pretty squashed now…" She laughed to herself, "But Yatty…any one of these Doves could be waiting to pounce... You're a silly boy letting your guard down like that. I better finish them off. See they don't understand _you_ Ayato; they don't understand that you've got a pure heart; they won't for a while. We must stay alive until they do, so I will finish them off."

I was about to protest when Blue Eyes bounded up with a roar of fury. I jumped up, my kagune spewing out behind me. He sprung towards Eto and she leaped gracefully out the way, "Oh you'll never catch me like that Mister."

"Bitch," He spluttered, removing a revolver from his pocket.

"My my, you are a troublesome one." Eto commented as gun shots rebounded round the alley, Eto dodged them all with what looked like little effort.

I couldn't help but admire her courage and reflexes.

I wanted to serve under her. To follow her orders. To help her achieve the peace she clearly desired. _We must stay alive until they do._

I allowed my spikes to fly free; one caught him on the ankle, another in his thigh. He collapsed to the ground still shooting like a madman. I shot my arrow one last one- it caved through his wrist and Blue Eyes cried out. The gun fell to the ground with a clatter. He braced his hands on the ground, his eyes looking at the wet concrete; hopeless pits of darkness. He yelled out in frustration and I felt a tug of sympathy…

" _Daddy! Where's daddy!? TOUKA!" I woke up sweating; the bed sheets tangled round me like netting._

" _Shh, it's okay it's okay, we'll find him," Touka's voice caught in her throat and she hugged me tight, her arms wrapped protectively round me._

 _I snuggled into her, "Is daddy okay? Is he back?"_

" _Not yet sweetie. But of course he's okay; he's strong, he's big and strong, no one will ever bring him down!" Her eyes glistened._

 _I nodded, "Touka… I'm scared."_

" _Me too Yats, but we gotta be brave right? Daddy will come back to us. He will."_

" _It's been so long though..." My bottom lip wobbled, "Touka, I'm hungry." My face was wet with tears and she brushed them away gently._

" _I'll find you some food, okay Yats?"_

" _I can come with you!"_

" _No Ayato, you stay here and read your book okay?"_

" _I don't want you to leave me alone! Touka… don't leave me please!"_

 _She hugged me tight, "I'll be back soon. I promise you!"_

" _That's what daddy said… and he lied…"_

 _She just held me to her, her hand wrapped round my own as she kissed my forehead softly._

Eto laughed, "Humans really are weak…"

I gulped as she took out a knife, "Ayato!" She called; I slowly went over, feeling as though I was in a dream; the world just fuzzy shapes. She handed me the knife and I looked down at it dumbly.

"Kill the Dove."

I looked at her.

"Kill him before he kills you."

I looked at Blue Eyes and he looked up at me; the fight had fallen from his eyes and face just like his tears. "I have a wife and children…" He murmured. "Please… I'll let you go…"

"He's lyyying!" Eto danced round the Doves and began to sing once more.

" _Poor little Woodpecker_

 _Your nesting holes are all tainted, your food with toxins rife"_

I kicked him and he rolled over to his side, whimpering like a child. I clenched my teeth, my fury coming back in a mad rage of scarlet and white. "Get up. Get up and fight me! If your kids need you you'll fight me!" I was shouting then, my anger and frustration boiling up inside me, overflowing like a volcano.

" _Touch your friends, and they all will die falling at your feet"_

"I can't…" He sobbed. "It hurts."

"What would you're children say!?" I screamed, "Get up god damn it! I won't fight a coward! I won't kill a coward! Get up and fight for your life you useless bastard! You have children! They need you!" My voice cracked and tears flowed down my face. Blue Eyes face transformed into my Father's. Arata looked up at me, "I can't it hurts…"

My heart squeezed tight, tighter, it hurt! It hurt so bad! I wanted it to stop! Stop! "You're a useless father! You're pathetic! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU; YOU'RE WORTHLESS GOOD FOR NOTHING BASTARD! YOU DESERVE TO DIE!"

I plunged the knife into his heart and his eyes widened in shock.

"Oh don't look so surprised." I spat, my heart throbbing and beating hard against my chest and ribs. So hard it hurt.

" _Oh sad little Woodpecker,"_

His eyes shut and I cried out, my whole body heaving with sobs. "Why!? Why did you leave me!? Daddy why?! We needed you! You worthless… dead… piece of shit…" My eyes stung with waves of tears.

Eto patted my head, "Don't dwell on the past Ayato, they're not worth it." I watched her through a glassy screen of tears, as she picked Yu up from the ground.

" _Poisonous tears, shining brightly, as they stream down your cheeks"_

I sniffed loudly and stood up, wiping my tears away. "You're right. They're not worth it."

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you thought down in the reviews below!:)**

 **Acia xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys!**

 **This next part of the story veers off the main plot slightly into a little side story, I'll probs do that a lot until we get up to more recent Tokyo Ghoul events;P**

Chapter 8- Afterwards

Two weeks later

I opened my eyes, not slowly, not blearily, but snap!

Awake.

You get that sudden bust of oxygen as you breathe in; you're head instantly begins to buzz.

I stared up at the ceiling. It was my birthday today. I was ten. Double-figures now.

I breathed an empty laugh, I used to wish I could catch up to Touka's age, beat her _double figures_. We would joke about it on those good days in Anteiku. The days when the hiding didn't drive me insane. The days when the furious dragon in my chest had slithered into its cave; waiting to be angered and pounce once more.

 _10_

The almost start of teenage life… high school nearing… childhood friends splitting up… _growing up_ beginning.

 _Pathetic._

It was then that I heard the laughter; fake laughter. A jeering sound smacking me out of my thoughts.

I growled, annoying bastards.

I moved slowly, sitting up first, stretching my legs, and then rising to my feet.

The room was well furnished. It was ancient, abandoned and was in dire need of a spring cleaning even though spring had long past. But the dark blue carpet was still thick and fluffy, and pictures, however crooked, still hung, carefully placed, on the walls. Pictures of a woodland cottage and a beach made of pebbles with a crimson sunset in the background.

The room was cluttered however, with near empty bookshelves and cabinets. Smashed glass in a glass cabinet. The thick curtains were pulled close; the bright July sun trying fretfully to sneak in under the gaps.

I sat on the squishy sofa, a boiling rage in the pit of my stomach. It was cramped, cluttered, abandoned, and for some reason that pissed me off.

I sprung up and flung the curtains wide open, blinking momentarily in the blinding bright light.

I looked down at the barbed wired safety fence that surrounded the old hotel we'd inhabited. I'd taken the old office room, insisting that I didn't need a bed. I'd given my room to Amalie, telling myself it was a selfless act. The truth; I hated beds. I hated the memories that sat with it. I hated that I'd spent most of my time in Anteiku lying in bed staring at the ceiling. I hated that I'd spent half my life lying happily with Touka in bed, reading stories and playing games.

I hated beds.

Another laugh pierced my ears and I glared down. Four boys lounged just outside the gate. I smirked and imagined for a moment jumping out the window and knocking over the ancient and unstable scaffolding, watching it hit them on their pathetic, weak little heads.

Oops!

But I didn't, instead I watched with slight curiosity.

Three of them towered over a smaller, scrawnier looking kid who was sat on the floor. They seemed to be talking to him… no _bullying_ him, _hitting_ him.

One of the boys threw a football over the fence; it bounced a few times then rolled to a stop in the dusty ground.

The other two laughed and pointed at it.

Football thrower pushed the little kid right up to the fence and pointed furiously at the ball.

I snarled, so they chuck the ball over and then get the little kid to get it do they? Having a little fun? I egged the little kid on. _Hit him back! Stand up to him!_

But the little kid just curled into a ball while the others hit and rolled him around like he was the football. A small shout reached my ears through the thin glass, muffled but the words were clear, "Help! Somebody help me!"

I looked around but there was no one near the boys. The bullies laughed aloud and hit the little kid some more. I frowned, why would the little kid cry out in this old abandoned place? No one would hear him; he's just making it more fun for the bullies to play around with him… I laughed at his pathetic-ness; a cold stuttering sound in the quiet room. Why doesn't he help himself? I gulped then… as a flash of Touka's furious face as she killed the Doves all those years ago tiptoed into my vision involuntarily. The way I'd coward in the corner; whimpering, my mind begging _help! Somebody help us!_

I went to open the window, maybe I _would_ teach these bullies a lesson and then teach the kid to stop being such a wimpy target board, but then I felt a strong hand grasp my shoulder.

I whipped round.

Tatara looked at me and shook his head. "Leave them, they're not worth it."

His voice annoyed me, how dare he stop me? I could do whatever I wanted. I spat on the carpet and shoved his shoulder of me. "Fine."

His eyes narrowed, clearly not liking my tone of voice.

But before he could say anything else I was out of the room, the door slamming shut behind me.

If there was one thing I hated about Aogiri it was the control they displayed. They treated me like a mere puppet, a pawn. And that pissed me off too. I stomped down the corridor, the walls passing by me in a blur. Eto herself had never made me feel like a tool; she was more open, welcoming. She'd let me and Yu sit with her and share our ideas about the next mission. We'd discuss tactics, solve minor problems, discuss who should hunt for food and when and how best to go about keeping an army-like organisation fed. I'd often go hunting with Yu… but we'd never kill the innocent, only ever criminals: Thief's, murderers, rapists... not matter how major the crime. If they'd sinned, we'd attack.

Our hearts cold and empty of all guilt and sympathy.

"Ayato?" A small voice sailed into my ears.

I turned; Amalie's head peaked out the entrance to her room. Blood coated her lips.

I frowned, "Amalie… what?"

She bit her lip, dark waves of hair cascaded down her back. Her large brown eyes stared up at me in fear and she beckoned me into her room.

I hesitantly followed her. The room was cased in darkness and she shut the door.

"Amalie…?" She clutched onto my arm in the darkness. "Amalie I can't see anything."

She shivered and snuggled into me. "I… I'm hungry…" She voiced.

I sat down on the floor and pulled her to me, "What do you mean? Haven't you hunted?"

"Eto said I'm not aware enough of my surroundings to hunt so she gives me the scraps but they're not enough…" Her voice choked on a sob.

"Amalie? Turn on the lights so I can see you."

"No!" She shouted and her whole body tremored.

"Amalie?" It was then that I felt a hot sticky substance on her arm, "Amalie what did you do?"

"I didn't mean to…" She was crying then, losing control, hiccupping and sniffing.

Panic rose in my stomach and my heart hardened, I slapped her; hard.

She instantly stopped; her eyes glinted in the darkness, wide and fearful.

"Stop crying." I ordered. "You're being pathetic. Why are you covered in blood?"

"I… I bit myself!" She was shaking harder in my arms, her whole body tense. "I checked the kitchens but there wasn't any food left- it was all gone… and it hurt so much and I…"

"There isn't any food left?"

I felt her head shake. "No…"

I stood up and turned on the light.

Amalie's arm was ripped off and on the floor, she'd haphazardly wrapped her other in bandages. "I was waiting for my other arm to heal but it won't…"

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Did you check the kitchens this morning?"

"Nothing." She answered.

I took a deep breath, disgusted by her pathetic actions. If she's just gone hunting! Saved herself by eating properly instead of cowering in her room and eating herself.

I leaned down and touched her skin, ice cold. Her eyes were wide and fearful, her lips turning blue. Her arm wouldn't heal until she got food and she was fast loosing blood.

I thought about getting Eto but she would just say Amalie was a waste and kill her. However kind and understanding Eto was with me, I knew in my heart she didn't treat everyone as good as me and Yukine, particularly not the weak.

I looked down at her young innocent eyes, I could just leave her. I wanted to, I wanted to turn and leave her pathetic child-like self I her room to die alone. But I couldn't. When I was with Amalie my heart and fury thawed.

I held out my wrist. "Take a few bites and when you've got enough strength to get up go and hunt. I don't care what Eto said. If you need food then go and get food."

She nodded and licked her lips, looking in desire at my wrist. "But I don't want to hurt you…" She bit her lip so hard she drew blood.

I snarled and grasped her, pulling her close to me, "Do you want to die?!"

She shook her heads, her eyes glistening with tears, "Then eat you idiot!" My voice was hard and angry. "If you want to live get up! Don't give up or you really are a pathetic idiot!"

She flinched.

She held my wrist; her touch was soft and delicate. I leaned on my other elbow acting bored. She leaned down and bit into my skin lightly at first, then as hunger got to her she bit in hard and I tensed slightly at the pain.

"Sorry," She murmured.

"Shut-up." I don't know why I said it, I just did. She was annoying. Always in the way. Just like Touka had been. Weak.

She ate slowly, irritatingly slowly, and finally she pulled away, wiping her mouth with her jumper.

"You done?"

She nodded.

I stood up to leave when she took my hand.

"Thank you Ayato." I looked at her, her soft brown eyes, her flushed cheeks and I felt a pang of regret. "I can bandage them if you want…"

"Go hunt." I told her sharply before leaving and closing the door softly behind me.

I looked down at my arm. Six deep bites seeped with blood along the front and back of my wrist up to my elbow. I smiled in spite of my anger, she'd done neat job.

I ripped of a thread of fabric from my shirt and wrapped it just beneath my elbow, halting the blood flow.

Xxxxxxxxxx

It was a few days later that she ran into my room, a faint blush lighting up her cheeks, her hair wind strewn and her eyes alight.

"Ayato!" She yelled. I jumped up from the sofa and stared at her, an unknown panic dancing in my heart.

"What!? What's wrong are you alright?" My words came out incomprehensively.

She grinned, "Guess what?"

I growled in anger, "You can't scare me like that Amalie, seriously. Don't _ever_ do that again."

"Sorry," She mumbled through her smile.

I sighed and leaned back against the sofa, closing my eyes, "What do you want? I'm healing from this afternoons fight and I'm really not in a good mood."

"Why not?"

"I lost." I stated angrily.

"Ooo to whom?"

I scowled, "New recruit, nutter called Yamori."

"I saw him, he looks terrifying!" She exclaimed with a new found confidence.

"He's a crazy dick. I mean seriously! I've beaten every new recruit so far, no matter how old and he just waltzes in like he owns the fuckin' place."

"Umm…" She agreed hesitantly.

"So? What did you want?" My patience ran thin these days. Especially when I was in interrupted and in a bad mood. "Did you go hunting?"

"Yup! And I'm well fed."

"Who did you kill?" I asked purely out of curiosity.

"Er… I didn't."

"Huh?" I shot up wincing as my healing chest protested angrily.

"I broke into the hospital and stole some transplant organs and blood." I gaped at her, "What?" She looked at me, her eyes wide and innocent.

A flurry of confusion and fear swept through my brain, leaving me frazzled and speechless. "Do- what- who? Ugh! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Security cameras? What if someone spotted you?! My Gods who the hell taught you to do that? That isn't even proper food! Are you mad!?" I breathed deeply.

"I thought of it myself. I didn't want to kill anyone. I was wearing a paper bag as a mask, and when I went to kill someone they just looked so sad… I … I couldn't do it; so I decided to do something else…" She shuffled her feet nervously and stared at the carpet.

I snorted with laughter, "Oh my gods Amalie, you do surprise me. Seriously? You're a ghoul and you couldn't kill anyone?" Not even Touka was _that_ weak.

"No! It's… not fair…"

"Life isn't fair," I muttered.

She sat down cross-legged on the floor, "Seriously though… couldn't we make like proper peace with the humans. Thousands of humans die each day… why can't we just eat them instead of them being buried? Then no one else would die." She frowned, "I just don't understand it."

I stared at her in astonishment. I just didn't understand how her brain worked. Yeah the idea is amazing and in an ideal world they would work… but this world isn't ideal. Is she gullible enough not to understand that?

"Well it's a great dream… for a naïve little child. The humans brains don't work towards peace Amalie, they work towards abolishing our race. Get that through your thick skull and maybe you'll get a little stronger." I laid back down, but not before I saw her flinch out the corner of my eye. I ignored it.

"Well… anyway I came here to tell you that I slipped into the library while I was out near the hospital and-"

"You what!? You idiot!"

"No one saw me! Please Ayato trust me and just listen."

"I should never have told you to go…" I groaned and placed my head in my hands. How out of control could she be? I just thought she'd go and kill some easy prey and come straight back… but no, apparently I was wrong to believe she'd act so simply. Yet even through my dread and irritation I felt a slight pride, she'd not done what she was told or what others expected of her, she'd acted independently and in some twisted way bravely. She'd acted by her own rules, and a piece of me admired her stupidity… Touka's face flashed across my vision. Just like that slight part of me admired Touka for going against Ghoul normality's and acting human because that's what she wanted. Yet I inwardly scowled at those thoughts, my anger and hatred clouding over the sense of love and admiration I felt for both their actions and beliefs.

"I went in and tried to read a short book just for fun and this boy came over, he was all smiles and-" She continued.

"Oh my Gods… don't tell me you…"

"We talked for a bit."

"Shit." I inwardly screamed in irritation and disbelief.

"And he was telling me about his school and I said I'd been home schooled but that I wasn't quick at picking things up and he taught me a bit about reading and he was really kind," Her eyes went all dreamy and she stared at the ceiling, smiling softly to herself as she talked, "and he made me laugh a lot and said he would be my new friend when I said I didn't have many and I said I'd meet him again next week at-"

"No."

"What?"

"No. You're not allowed to see that kid again. Do you have any idea the danger you could put Aogiri in? What if the Doves found out about you? Caught you? Tortured you for information? Followed you to the base? Did you never even consider these things? If you're going to talk to and see that kid then quit Aogiri."

Tears filled her eyes, "I thought you'd understand," She chocked on a sob and I rolled my eyes. Seriously how _dumb_ and _selfish_ could she be?

"I said no."

"You can't order me around!" She said and my eyes widened, she was fighting back? To my face?

"Yes I can! I'm almost a leader of Aogiri and I can order you around. You're merely a house-keeper in this place. You're point of view and opinions mean nothing!" I yelled.

Tears overflowed and spilled down her face, "Fine." She stood up shakily and walked out the room with her head held high.

I frowned, what had happened to that mouse-like child? Who did whatever she was told? I shivered, the warm room suddenly feeling cold. I shook my head, she wouldn't rebel against me, I assured myself, and she would do as I said. Soon she'd have forgotten all about this 'boy.' She would be fine and safe and so would Aogiri.

I bit my lip hard as the pain in my chest slowly edged back into my conscience. In the meantime I had to find a way to beat this idiot Yamori.

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Let me know what you think of Amalie in the reviews!:D**

 **Acia xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9- Trust

I went down to the kitchens the a few days later after training; the more I reflected on the day before the more daggers of guilt kept jabbing at my heart.

Maybe I had been a little harsh… But no, it was for her protection. I licked my lips and pushed the kitchen doors open.

"Amalie?"

She was stood across the room, washing Tatara's white cloak in a tub of water. I stepped cautiously towards her and sat down on a chair behind her. The white tiled walls made the room feel strangely claustrophobic, like a prison. I shuddered.

"Amalie?" I said again. She ignored me, her hands working fast and furiously in the soapy water.

"Look… what I said yesterday… I know I was being a bit harsh but… I'm only trying to keep you safe…yeah?"

She walked past me, her eyes pointedly ignoring me, and hung Tatara's cloak up on the indoor washing line. "Amalie please. Why can't you understand how dangerous what you're doing is? And I do understand how you feel I just… you _can't_ do it. I'm trying to protect you; it's for your own good… _please_ Amalie, listen to me. I'm trying to protect you, why can't you understand that?"

"I don't need your protection arsehole," She muttered hesitantly, her eyes avoiding mine as she went back to the washtub. "And I have the feeling you're trying to protect Aogiri more than me."

Fury boiled in my stomach and I squashed it down: Patience Ayato, _patience._ "Amalie… please, help me out. You're only going to regret it: fraternising with the humans… it's not normal for us; we're too different; they don't understand us. It'll only bring you pain when they turn their backs on you… just please I know from experience."

She turned and stared at me, her bottom lip wobbling, "Y-you don't know that. You only know from _your_ own experience… this time it could be different. He won't turn his back on me; I _know_ he won't. And I want to help fight the Doves by my own terms, peacefully, and not by Aogiri's violent terrorist like terms... And the first step to doing that is to show them that we can live peacefully among them. I also… really want to go to- to school and to learn and-"

"You're not telling me this is about your, 'we eat the dead humans' idea?" Her language felt to close to the old Manager's. Her voice soft like his, the way she spoke, it was like you were a child. Like she was trying to explain to you why it's bad to steal.

Touka's voice nicked the back of my head, an annoying bite itching to be heard. " _Ayato imagine if the humans saw us for who we really are… you think they'd want to make peace? We could show them we're not all bad… isn't it a beautiful dream Ayts?"_

"So what if it is!? I went and saw Erick-"

"Erick? What kind of a name is that?"

"He's American. Anyways I went and saw him the other day again and I told him my idea and-"

"YOU WHAT!?"

"Ayato please just listen! His dad is a Dove and he said it was a really good idea and that he'd tell his dad-"

"I don't believe you," Betrayal invaded my heart and I stared at her.

"Ayato?"

"You… you turned against me… I told you not to go and you-" I didn't know what to think… I felt hurt but most of all I felt angry. I felt very angry. I imagined my face going slowly purple and almost laughed in disbelief. "I can't actually believe you. You do realise how dangerous what you're doing is don't you? For Gods sake! How Fuckin' dumb can you get? You think they're just going to listen to you? You're just a naïve child!" I was shouting now.

"So are you! You think you can solve the Ghoul's problems by invading the CCG and killing Doves and making up this army that will fight for peace. Your ideas are just as mad as mine!" She shouted back, her eyes were blazing.

My dragon of fury boiled up inside me and I reached out, as if in a daze and slapped her across the face. Hard. My hand went suddenly numb and I glared at her.

"You either leave Aogiri now or stay and forget your stupid idea, understand?" Tears filled her eyes, a red hand mark flared up on her soft cheek and she ran.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

I was back in my room a few days later when I heard the sharp knock on my door.

"Come in," I grumbled, as I threw another knife into my target board. It rebounded off the yellow section with a rebounding _ping!_ I growled- that wouldn't have even nicked a dove.

The door shut behind me and I turned to see Tatara stood there, his red eyes blazing.

"What do you want?"

"I appreciate it if you don't use that tone with me Ayato." He started.

"Tch, suit yourself," I replied, turning back to my board.

"Where's Amalie?"

Fear struck my heart like a scalding poker. I coughed to hide my shock and turned round to face him once more. "What do you mean?"

"Nobody's seen her since this morning, I went down to ask her if she could wash Eto's bandages and she'd gone."

"How strange..." I began, my smooth voice masking my inner turmoil; _that bitch! She didn't listen to a word I said! She went back to the library didn't she… oh Gods... Oh Gods!_

"It is indeed." He stared at me.

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"Do you know where she is?"

"I ain't got a clue," I lied easily.

"Sure… don't think I haven't heard you arguing or seen those bite marks on your wrists." My eyes widened. "I'll ask again Ayato- what do you know about Amalie's disappearances? You do realise her actions could endanger the whole of Aogiri, you could endanger the whole of Aogiri."

I breathed a short sharp laugh, "You don't have to tell me that."

He glared at me.

"I don't know anything! Jeez, the girl pisses me off- why the hell would I know where she is?"

"Your closest to her, I know you have a soft spot for her Ayato. Are you sure you don't even have the slightest idea? " His voice was so patronising, his eyes so penetrating; just like a lion, and I was the mouse caught up in its paws.

I hated it.

"A soft spot? Me? I just act kind so she'll trust me." I didn't know where the lies were coming from… or if they were even lies. And if they were lies, why was I lying? Despite these confusing thoughts my head felt clearer of confusion than it had in days.

"I don't believe you."

I growled, "Piss of Tatara." I turned back to my target board.

I felt him stiffen and before I knew it his fist was careering towards me. I dodged but his other fist was waiting for me. He caught me on my chin, my jaw bone crunched sickeningly and he slammed me back against the wall. I coughed and blood spewed from my mouth.

"What-?" I spluttered.

His eyes burned like coals, sinister and dangerous. "How dare you," He spat.

"Let me go!" I roared.

"No." He replied. "You're going to stay right there and listen to what I have to say."

"Spit it out then." I sneered.

He pushed his knee into my chest, deep and I gasped for air and coughed.

"Good, now then. I know you and Amalie have been arguing over something and I know you're involved in some way with her constant disappearance. You can't hide that from me. But you should know that if you're not willing to tell me, then you should find her and sort out this trouble yourself. If you're loyal to Aogiri you'll take care of the situation and either and bring her home… or if duty calls for it send her to the grave."

My eyes involuntarily widened.

"I'm glad you understand. Because if Amalie's continuous disappearance ends up in Aogiri's way I'll never forgive you and I promise you I'll send you to hell myself. So either tell me or sort it out yourself."

He let me go and I coughed and collapsed to the floor before glaring up at him; if only looks could kill, "I don't have anything to do with it. Sort it out yourself."

"Suit yourself," He replied before leaving the room, closing the door irritatingly softly behind him.

I glowered at the floor. _That bitch Amalie. I was trying to help her and now she'd got me in deep shit._

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

I went down to the kitchens after ranting at the floor for a while and sat down on the stool in front of the electric fireplace.

If only I could tell Yu… he'd know what to do- but he'd probably tell Eto, and I couldn't risk that. This was something I'd have to face alone.

I practised knife throwing at the walls, using the cracks and splits as targets, until the door creaked open.

I watched carefully and sinisterly as Amalie stepped into the room, a hoodie, one she must have found in her room, wrapped tightly around her with the hood pulled way down over her face.

She noticed me immediately and she halted, her eyes widening. The door was left hanging half open.

I strode over to her and yanked the hood off her head. She stumbled backwards, "A-"

"Stop. Just stop." I looked at her, "Why?"

Her mouth opened and closed silently, like some pathetic fish gasping for water when it's lying, dying on the deck on a ship.

"I told you no. So why?"

"Because- because I wanted to! And I don't have to live under anyone's laws!"

I laughed a cold heartless guffaw. I clutched at my side and stared at her, "You don't do you? Oh of course…"

She shivered.

I grinned at her, a wolfish snarl, "You live under Aogiri's roof therefore you live by their rules. There you go; an old cliché phrase that's nothing short of the truth."

She pressed her lips tightly together.

"I assume you've been with Erick."

"Of course." Her voice quivered.

"Do you remember what I said to you if you wanted to go and see him again?"

She visibly shook, "You said I'll have to leave Aogiri."

"I can show you the way out." I replied, holding my hand out towards the door, my emotionless were dry. I felt nothing. Just an aching anger that gnawed at my heart.

"Please… I- I won't go again! I have nowhere else to stay… Ayato just let me stay! No one has to know… I'll listen to you from now on- I won't go again! I just had to go once more but I won't go again!" Once again her brown eyes had the intensity to thaw at my frozen heart.

After a few moments I looked down at the floor, "How can I trust you Amalie?"

She took my hand, "Because we're friends…right? And… and I've been a- a shit friend and I shouldn't have gone. I know you were only trying to keep me safe…" I stared at her as her bottom lip wobbled precariously: The sane part of my brain cold and angry and the insane part wanting to help her. To keep on protecting her. And she was right… no one had to know. She was back home now: Tatara couldn't do anything. I cursed myself for the softness in my heart, blaming Arata as always for bringing me up to be so weak.

"Just this once I'll let it go. Once!" Her eyes filled with tears and she threw her arms around me, I myself hold her and then I told her to go to bed and get some sleep.

She went off happily enough.

And guilt and betrayal shredded my heart. I felt confused beyond belief. If I'd banished her I'd have betrayed her but stayed loyal to Aogiri. But I'd allowed her to stay, betraying Aogiri but being loyal to her. I groaned and placed my head in my hands. I was angry at her… yet angry at Tatara… I was angry at everything… at being weak… at myself for being weak… at weakness as a whole. It disgusted me… and Amalie was exactly that. So why did I feel the need to protect her?

I shook my head and went to bed, my dreams a mass of tangled colours and faces. Amalie's face moulded into my sisters, my sisters moulded into my fathers… and then the manager's. I was torturing them, wielding a knife and ripping apart their kagune's, their screams penetrated my head while I cackled manically.

I woke up sweating and screaming out for my sister.

xxxxxxxxxx

Noro came round the next day, calling the main Aogiri members for a meeting on our next move against the doves.

I walked into the large dining area of the hotel and sat down at a long table that'd been made from half- a- dozen smaller tables hurriedly shoved together. Once seated I looked around, Yamori grinned at me from across me and to the left, I narrowed my eyes at him _: idiot._ Eto sat at the head of the table with Noro and Tatara on either side of her. The two Bin Brothers sat with stiff backs further down the table opposite Eto.

Yukine came in fashionably late, grinning like a madman and greeting everyone with a burst of energy. He plonked himself down next to me and we fist bumped automatically. He beckoned me closer and I leaned in.

"What're all these rumours about Amalie going missing and you being involved?" He whispered.

"Nothing is true, and besides she's back now so it's all sorted." I murmured back, aware of the others frowning at us.

"Oh good, tbh I was slightly worried for both of you." He replied easily enough, and without another question regarding my odd behaviour, he let it drop.

Thank goodness he wasn't observant.

I simply nodded and we moved back into our separate seats properly.

Tatara glared at me out of the corner of my eye.

I ignored him.

Last to arrive was a tall young man, well more of a _gentleman_ , he walked in casually apologising profoundly for his lateness and sat down opposite me. Both his eyes and hair were a chocolate brown yet his eyes were startlingly intense.

He smiled at me. I nodded in acknowledgement.

"Well, now that we're all here I think we can begin. Firstly I'd like to introduce two new members to our main team: Oikawa and Yamori. You may have been introduced before."

Both the ghouls nodded. Oikawa smiled and winked. Yamori sneered.

"Now, these last few months have been critical for us, we've managed to gain information from the CCG and have freed many S or SS rated ghouls from confinement; massively helping build up our numbers in force."

"Why exactly are we building up our numbers?" Oikawa asked, somewhat rudely interrupting Tatara's flow.

"In the future we may come across the need to fight, head on, the CCG's main forces. Building up our numbers now will greatly help that. Plus, the more allies and members we have the more damage we can inflict on the CCG and humans as a team in the near future."

"Not damage Tatara… the more we can do to help our cause and our aim which is peace among ghouls," Eto chirped, licking her lips with a giggle.

"Of course Eto," Tatara said.

Yu and I smirked at one another, both aware that Tatara wasn't in the least interested in peace, only in tearing apart humans as much as he could.

"The next step to obtaining peace among Ghouls and humans is to-"

"Peace will never be possible… we need to make the humans our little monkeys. That way we won't have to live in fear, they'll be under our thumbs!" Yamori cackled. "And we can play games with them every da-"

"Yamori, what do you want?" Eto asked all of a sudden.

Yamori chocked on his laugh and stared at her, "I want to kill the Doves and crush their organisation."

"Why?"

Yamori's eyes widened, clearly befuddled by Eto's oddly timed questions. "Because I hate Doves." His eyes darkened and his lips stretched up into a wicked smile.

I and Yu glanced at one another.

"Hmmm… you'll be useful up until the end I think…" She giggled, picked up a pen and started drawing on her bandaged hand, lost to the world.

Yamori stared at her.

Tatara cleared his throat, "I should also mention, before I forget, that our 'house-keeper' of sorts known as Amalie," My ears perked up suddenly, "has been out of the building much more than she should have been recently, the knowledge of her whereabouts during these hours is unknown up until now," He glared at me, "But I'd like all of you to keep your eyes open. She's not known for her loyalty for our cause," Anger boiled like fire in my veins. "And therefore may be doing tasks that will endanger Aogiri."

The other members looked expectantly at me, following Tatara's lead. "What!?" I spat, "Why do you keep asking me, I have no idea okay!" Once again I was unsure why I was lying to protect her. I glared back at them.

"Who are you?" Oikawa asked forwardly.

I gagged, "Excuse me? I'm Ayato Kirishima thank you very much."

"How old are you?"

Yu stiffened next to me, he'd always hated the age= smartness and strength idea.

"Ten." I replied.

Oikawa raised his eyebrows, "Are you strong?"

"Yes." I replied through gritted teeth.

"Are you loyal to Aogiri?"

I stared at him, suddenly finding it hard for the lie to come out of my mouth. Oikawa cocked his head to one side, "Cat got your tongue?"

"No. Yes I am."

"We'll see shall we? I won't work alongside other people who aren't loyal to Aogiri's ideals."

I growled, "Neither will I Oikawa."

He grinned, "The alias is Neko, kid." And with that he turned back to Tatara with an apologetic expression, "Sorry for the interruption, do continue Tatara."

I spent the rest of the meeting staring at the table. My head felt befuddled and I found it hard to think, as though it was full of sand or water. I thought back to Amalie's words, her ferocity when she'd spoken about what she wanted in this world, about her ideals, the determined look in her eyes. There was no way she would drop her ideals and agree to stay in Aogiri so easily. No amount of face slapping and shouting would make her listen to me; she would never stop going to see this Erick. She was serious about her plan. This I became surer of as the hour went on.

What do I do?

How do I stop her?

Who do I want to be loyal to?

What do I even want?

The questions turned round and round my head like a music box on constant repeat. By the time we'd left the meeting my head pounding with every movement.

"You wanna go practice fighting Ayts?" Yu popped up in front of me, his face a sparkling beacon.

"Sorry Yu, I can't right now. I have to do something." And I ran off down the corridor, the rooms passing me in a blur.

I burst into Amalie's room. It was empty.

I raced down to the kitchens, passing baffled members on the way, my vision tunnelled as I ran, my mind concentrated only on getting me down there, faster, quicker!

I flung the door open. My eyes sprung form one corner to the next, to the sink, the cupboards, the chopping boards, and the fridge…my breaths came in short sharp gasps.

It was empty.

All empty.

She was gone.

I collapsed to the floor and put my head in my hands.

 _Fucking idiotic weak selfish gullible bitch!_

 **Hey guys! Sorry for the late update I've just had my GCSE exams so I've been quite busy studying;) Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to leave a review;)**

 **Acia xxx**


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